Hash Trash – Oktoberfest 2024 – Bicheno – Hobart Hash House Harriers and Harriettes

Volume 43, Issue 26.5 | Oktober 19 -20, 2024

OKTOBERFEST REPORT

Author – Appreciative Hasher who wishes to remain Anonymous.

H5 is blessed to have two outstanding JMs. That they put together such a magnificent weekend shows just what brilliant planners both are. The venue was good, weather was perfect, the trail better and the visit to the Sealife Restaurant on Saturday night, sublime. The bookend to the weekend was a wonderful recovery stroll up the Whalers Lookout on Sunday morning with incredible expansive view (and whale sightings if you knew where to look). Now, let us look at each day individually.

Friday 18/10/24

Things did not look promising during the trip to Bicheno on Friday afternoon. It pissed down. The further north I drove from Hobart, the wetter it got. The forecast did show some promise, with weather clearing overnight, but when I got to Bicheno East Coast Holiday Park that evening, it was teeming. I found a cheerful and slightly wobbly ITR, together with his PA, Blah Blah Blah (henceforth known as B3) handing out welcome packs in the covered BBQ area. After booking in and setting up in a very cosy cabin, I joined the gathering throng of hashers who were imbibing in the BBQ area. It was good to meet hashers that I had not seen for a while. There was a sizable contingent of regulars from the north of the state. This included an Oktoberfest virgin, Blueprint from LH5 and a ring in, Nurse Rachet, from WA who on being in Bicheno, heard that a hash weekend was on, promptly paid the entrance fee and joined in.

At 6.30 p.m. Most of the pack headed to Bicheno Food and Brew for Pizza and beer which was next door. Others opted for the local Chinese restaurant, the pub, or the local fish and chippery.

As the evening wore on, the pack slowly coalesced in the BBQ area, where offerings of 6% ginger beer and other assorted spirits/beer/wine were being consumed with great enthusiasm. I toddled off to bed early to the sound of bellowing laughter from ITR and Sir Eve as they consumed a good deal of whiskey and then, with great vigour, were making their way through a bottle of schnapps.

Run 2304 Saturday 19/10/24

Blue sky greeted everyone the next morning. There was not a cloud to be seen and a gentle sou-easterly zephyr was blowing. Forecast temperature of 20 degrees was well on its way. At 10.45 a.m. the pack gathered in the common area near cabin 7. Marquees provided shade, chairs had been assembled and the BBQ was ready to go. JM, Bad News, had assembled a skillful works crew and had them erecting all manner of structures. Thanks to Viagra, Lord Limp, Jerk Off and others for their help in assisting and maintaining erections.

A weary and sweat soaked ITR arrived at this juncture. Everyone stood well away from him as he stank worse than a polecat on heat. His chalk talk was less than inspiring. His blood shot eyes told the tale of a ferocious battle with the schnapps bottle the previous evening. There would be a short NDIS walk, less than 4km, a walk, about 8 km and a run, now reduced to just under 11km. As events transpired, ITR is as good at judging distance as he is at winning recent glühwein competitions.

Nevertheless, the trail he set was a masterpiece and should be the subject for a study on how to set a trail. ITR made clever use of the terrain, checks and FTs as the trail wound north through Bicheno. The NDIS turned south early to avoid a lung shattering climb of 15 metres later. Runners and walkers kept heading north before a split and, both now on separate trails, headed south into the bush before reuniting and heading east. The trail snaked its way through bushland on the southern fringes of the town during which members of the pack received abuse from one landowner for disturbing her yapping and irritating little terrier.

Back on the main drag, Burgess Street, the NDIS split off for a gentle toddle along the flat. Walkers and runners turned north, heading into Bicheno and then through the bush, up and over the Lookout Rock State Reserve before swinging south to join up with the NDIS. Thereafter, the trail, with a few twists and turns through streets, wound its way down through coastal heath to Rice Beach. Here the leader of the pack, NDIS suprermo, Spoof, managed to surprise two young ladies who were sunbaking topless. Seeing the haggard, chain smoking, homeless male stumbling towards them, both quickly gathered their belongings and fled.

The trail now followed the Bicheno coastal track north. Near the famous Bicheno Blowhole, the pack stumbled upon ITR sitting beside an esky full of cool water and drinks. This was the first time in a very long time that people were happy to see ITR. A number of hashers could not resist the temptation to stand as near the blow hole as possible. A cracking swell from the southeast had huge plumes of water being thrown skywards. Lord Limp, sans shirt, and others could not resist the temptation for soaking. Magic Touch and Sir Eve took part in an impromptu wet T shirt competition; Magic Touch won by the length of the strait.

After rehydrating, we left ITR behind and continued to follow the coastal trail north. With a good swell running, the coastal walk was a delight. Big waves crashing on the rocks and a gentle breeze blowing made for a lovely walk. The vistas were wonderful. The trail wound its way along the coast, past the Gulch, around Peggys Point and then headed back along the shore of Waubs Bay to the beach of the same name and back to the On On. ITR had not finished with the runners yet. A split sent them north again to Lynnes Point along the coastal track and then, after a quick loop, back along Foster Street to the On On.

Total distance for the respective runs: the” easy” NDIS walk, over 5 km, the walk, over 9 km and the runners did 15 km plus. ITR really does need to be publicly pissed on.

At the On On, Jerk Off and JM Bad News were cooking up a storm with specialty sausages, wallaby burgers and a plethora of other offerings. Wee Willie Winkie had excelled in the preparation of snacks, salads, and other goodies.

Solo Lip Bee’s Dick presided over a rambunctious circle. He still has a problem determining who is a C*ntry member and who is a visitor but, apart from that, did a sterling job trying to control a crowd who, by now, had taken to the task of rehydrating very seriously.

SKOLS

This section is going to be a bit problematic. As the regular On Sec, Cracker, could not be arsed coming (some feeble excuse about catching COVID, yeah sure, good one), she passed the job over to the equally absent Grizzly (he who cannot tell the difference between am and pm on his Mickey Mouse watch). Realizing this, ITR, weary beyond belief and a little unsteady on his feet (dehydration, I think) approached me and said, “Hey, can you record the Skols, I’m so f*cked I can’t be bothered anymore”.

I agreed but forgot to push record on my phone so am relying on the photos only.

Magic Touch – NFI but might have something to do with a wet T Shirt at the blowhole.
ITR – Hare, general consensus that the trail was one of the best that has ever been set. If there was a gold medal award for the best trail of the century, ITR would be a shoo in.
Banger Dan – No idea but probably a proxy skol for Murray the Rat who was fast asleep in bed.
Jerk Off – No idea but something to do with alcohol and acting silly.
Tinky Winky – Proxy Skoll for Darth Farter who had buggered off (some feeble excuse like caring for a child). Poor old Darth had trouble finding his shoes and so was wearing odd coloured ones.
Ever Ready and Grass Roots – C*ntry members, part 1.
Nurse Rachet and Blueprint – Virgins, visitors or whatever other category Bee’s Dick decided.
Leeandra and Tight Seal – refer to above comment
Yes Please, Banger Dan, Just Kidding, Big Mac, Quarter Pounder, Tinky Winky, Entrance, Darth Farter (absent – childcare) Murray the Rat (absent in bed, snoring) – C*ntry members part 2.

SKOLS FROM THE FLOOR

Just Kidding (from Her Highness Eager) JK shocked all with the revelation of a secret life. Unbeknown to H5, JK is a world-renowned ornithologist. On this very weekend she discovered a species of bird not known to science. Yes, the club’s blonde Einstein had just identified Eudyputta Novaehollandiae dumbblondeia, now known as the Bicheno Flying Penguin. To an untrained eye, the creature looks remarkably similar to Charadriiformes Laride, the common silver sea gull. It took the special genius of JK to discern the difference. She is preparing an article for publication in Blonde Quarterly to reveal her discovery.
Nurse Ratchet (from Jerk Off) NFI but Nurse Rachet told a joke that was far better than anything Jerky has ever come up with.
Spoof – NFI but most likely something about drinking too much grog and annoying someone.
Blueprint (from ITR) – Hailing from LH5, on arriving at Bicheno, he booked into the wrong caravan park, paid full price, and then could not get a refund. Re-booking at the right place, he then decided it was too wet to camp as he had forgotten his tent. He then had to pay to share a cabin. Clearly, hash stupidity is not confined to the south of the state.
Snack Bar – NFI, but most likely doing something stupid or absentmindedly.
Bee’s Dick – NFI – refer to comments for Snack Bar.
Entrance – NFI but probably for having to share a cabin with Guv’nor Honkers.
Spoof (from Stunned Mullet)- NFI but Stunned Mullet obviously sees himself as a young Spoof.

Glühwein Competition

The Glühwein competition has become fiercely contested in recent years. ITR holds the record of three wins for his delectable drops, despite being knobbled or brought low by corruption on several occasions. On performance alone, ITR is the H5 glühwein genius. Other worthy winners are Jerk Off and Bad News.

GM Clearfell had been put in charge of proceedings and appointed judges, Arse Cutter, Brazilian and DNR. Eight brews from seven contestants were judged. A large crowd gathered, the mood was tense, fingernails were being chewed. After all, honour and bragging rights were on the line. The pressure mounted, judges were threatened, bribes offered and taken. In the end, the sorry tale is as follows.

Snack Bar came last (to serious derision, *more on this later), Stunned Mullet’s two offerings came next. Fifth place was taken by last year’s winner, Bad News. Unfortunately, ITR’s superb drop came fourth (and this was despite placing a very good bribe in front of the GM). Perennial bridesmaid, Guv’nor Honkers, came third with a drop that was rated far too highly by the incompetent judges. Jerk Off finished a very credible second. So unfortunately, the winners were Her Highness Eager and her acolytes, Lord Limp and Just Kidding. The judges should be publicly pissed on!

There is a 10-minute video on this debacle on the H5 photo website for anyone who is interested.

*Footnote. A tearful ITR approached me later and made this confession. He had prepared a bottle of glühwein using an unconventional method and one using his traditional, award-winning drop. He had palmed the new drop off to Snack Bar, given instructions and stood back awaiting a big reveal and accolades. When this did not occur and Snacky copped so much flak, ITR was beside himself with shame and remorse. So much so that he drank himself into oblivion that night. ITR came to his senses the next day and made a full confession at the Recovery Run Circle. Truly, hashers like ITR are an asset for any club.

Sea Life Restaurant

The JMs had organized the evening meal at the Sea Life Restaurant, a short stroll away. The pack arrived at 6.00 p.m. (that is in the evening, Griz) to be treated to bubbly, oysters, and a plethora of other finger food. Everyone sat down to a table banquet at 7.00 p.m. (One hour later, Griz.) The meal was wonderful, the staff pleasant and helpful. We had the place to ourselves. Anyone who didn’t have a good time should go and have a good look in the mirror. Hats off to the JMs for an inspired decision to use this place for the meal.

Run 2305 Clothing optional run

15 hashers took part in the clothing optional run. Assembling in Cabin 5, everyone disrobed, had a shot of schnapps and out the door following ITR, the live hare. A quick photo opportunity outside some non-descript government building in Champ Street and back to the On On to the surprise of a passing motorist who had to do a U turn and have another look. ITR presided over a quick circle, more schnapps consumed and nearly everyone got a skol. Back to cabin 5, more drinks, clothes back on and out the door.

Run 2306 Recovery Run 20/10/24

There were some weary faces at Breakfast. Can’t Stop had overindulged in big boy drinks the previous night. Refer to photo in the Trash for how he shaped up next day. Promptly at 10.00 a.m. (morning time, Griz) ITR gave a quick chalk talk and pointed to Whalers Lookout. An easy stroll up the two lookouts followed. Expansive views of Bicheno and surrounds were enjoyed by all but the very hung over.

SKOLS

Back at the on on, Bee’s Dick presided over the circle. Skols as follows:

ITR – Hare, brilliant recovery run. Masterful use of terrain. Stunning views, perfect length, another master class in run setting.
Just Kidding – Saw Eager in her beer-bottle suit (you know, the one she wears all the time) and thought she was a sausage.
Stunned Mullet – After multiple entries to cabin 5 via the balcony, declared to all who would listen at the clothing optional run “at least I have a dick….”.
Blueprint – Dunno, some LH5 thing, I guess.
Clearfell – Identified on the clothing optional run photo by his large testicles swinging freely.
Spoof – Photo taken on the clothing optional run shows Spoof playing with some one’s arse (Well that’s what it looks like)
Stunned Mullett, Jerk Off, ITR, DNR – Lost Property.
Her Highness Eager, Lord Limp and Just Kidding – Glühwein competition winners
The rest I don’t know, my phone went flat.

That was it, another wonderful hash weekend. Both JMs and their helpers are to be congratulated on bring off such a brilliant weekend. Many could learn from their planning and organizing. This weekend will linger long in the memories of those who attended.

On On

Anonymous Hasher