Volume 43, Issue 24 | September 30, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2303	14 October	Gingernuts	Cornelian Bay
2304	21 October	TBA	TBA
2305	28 October	TBA	TBA Hallowen run
2306	4 November	H4	Joint charity run Royal Yacht Club
2307	11 November	TBA	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2301 REPORT

Just Kidding’s Run 2301 was a Gnome memorial run, with Hashers bringing gnomes to leave in gardens along trail in memory of Colin (Gnome) Oliver. Gnome tragically went to Hash Cloud 9 way too early in 2018. He was a serious runner, and still holds the record for fastest solo runner at the Bruny Island ultra, with a time of 4 hours, 12 minutes and a few seconds. He also embraced Hash with gusto, and really liked Guinness; legend has it that he favoured Guinness loading over carbohydrate loading before a big race. Our annual ritual of leaving gnomes in random spots is a lovely reminder of a beloved Hasher.

Hare Just Kidding gave some minimal instructions about walkers’ and runners’ trails, and we were off, gnomes clutched firmly in hands, and ITR bleating about making sure that photos were taken of Hashers dropping off their gnomes. Sonar’s response was that he wouldn’t have time for a photo, as his plan was to ring the doorbell of his chosen house and run, leaving his gnome on the door step like a changeling babe.

Trail looped around the streets of New Town, with several FTs and checks, including two Master Checks, to re-group people for photo taking. Grizzly demonstrated his secret ambition to be crowned Chief Master Check Creeper, when he wasn’t trying to race ahead of ITR. Who ate all the pies? Proving that brain beats brawn, Gov’nor Honkers was seen sedately strolling out ahead of the boy racers. Fact!

Of course, careful placing of the gnomes was the chief business on trail. Some, like Growler, discreetly hid their gnome by reaching over a front fence into garden foliage. ITR diverted from trail to place his gnome on the front steps of a mate’s house, bugger the security cameras. Sir Eve carried along a tube of liquid glue, seeking immortality by gluing his gnomes in place. He had been devastated last year when his gnome was removed from a prime position and decided that this year’s offerings would be fixed in place forever. I wonder what the staff of Sacred Heart College will make of a gnome securely fixed to the top of their welcome sign.  Definitely the stuff of immortality, Sir Eve!

I forgot to bring my gnome, even though I’d placed it right outside my front door where I couldn’t miss it; but popular opinion dictated that I was a gnome, anyway. Harsh! I sat my gnome self on a bench near the end of the run but gave up when the only person to notice I was missing was Lord Limp, who sent a text asking whether I was still in someone’s garden.  Lord Limp’s gnome never left the pub, and is still sitting there high on a shelf, waiting for the next H5 run from the Talbot. Contessa Coupla Weeks went one worse – she carefully placed her gnomes, which were actually a rooster and a galah, in her own garden.

Walkers’ trail was only 3.3 kms, reflecting a short Her Highness Eager influence, with a total elevation gain of 89m. The Flat Earthers were once again in Flat Earthers’ Heaven. Just Kidding incorporated into the runner’s trail two loops, one near the beginning of trail and one near the end; for those who managed to find both (unlike Snack Bar), trail was about 7.5 kms.

Back at the On On, there was some speculation about the bafflement of New Town citizens on waking to find strange gnomes in their gardens (ITR had no need to speculate as his mate quickly told him he was an idiot). Thrill Seeker shared some wonderful wisdom about not keeping phones in pockets because it destroys fertility. Ratu Steady Eddie and Thrill Seeker, in a sign of the season, huddled into some Hash Hop planning to have grog ready for upcoming summer runs. Summer runs? Brrrr! The pub food was … well, it filled a hole. A fairly bland selection of beers was mitigated by one decent dark beer on tap. Highlight of the Lip session was the awarding of Thrill Seeker’s 950^th badge. In another year or so, we’ll have to be addressing him with an honorific. Tazimi Thrill Seeker? Tzar Thrill Seeker? The options are endless. The Lip session concluded with Her Highness Eager’s toast to Gnome.

On! On! – Cracker

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SKOLS

• Just Kidding, Her Highness Eager: hares
• Cracker: left her gnome at home, right outside the front door where she had put it so that she wouldn’t forget it
• Lord Limp: harassed a stranger in a car with Queensland number plates by staring into the car and deciding that yes, it was Grizzly
• Jerk Off: turned the clocks forward a week early
• Her Highness Eager: displaying all the signs of a blind and deaf geriatric
• Grizzly: has finally joined the elite ranks of the retired; commiserations to Lone Arranger
• Rigor Mortis: a bad influence on Her Highness Eager, encouraging Her Highness to seek interference from Bee’s Dick
• Dingo (from Grizzly): has completed his 53rd H5 run (most of them 40 years ago) and is now far coughing back to Brisbane
• Sonar (from Pole Dancer): far cough yak hunt
• Gov’nor Honkers (from ITR): writing fake news in the Muckery
• Bee’s Dick: cutting short his brother’s sex life
• Vodka Cruiser: H5 Monday night virgin
• Jerk Off (stupid enough to self-report): forgot his pants
• Growler (stupid enough to self-report): went to the Valern Hotel instead of the Talbot
• Thrill Seeker: MILLSTONE: 950 runs

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2301

NOTE: If you have a photo of your gnome in situ that’s not included in the photo album, will you please send it to Gov’nor Honkers for inclusion in the Annual Report: facingpages@netspace.net.au

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OKTOBERFEST UPDATE

Greetings Minions. It’s the JMs.

Thanks to all who have registered.  The JMs are organizing what will most likely be the best Oktoberfest ever.

For those who have indicated that they are camping or staying in motorhomes/campers, please contact the venue, Bicheno East Coast Holiday Park and book your prefered option.  Ph 63751999 or email  info@bichenoholidaypark.com.au.

For those staying in the cabins, rest assured that the JMs have been working diligently to ensure that you end up sharing with someone agreeable. Either that or someone  who will keep the bed warm and you won’t feel guilty next morning.

With love and looking forward to Sir Eve’s brews,

The JMs.

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/