Volume 43, Issue 22 | September 16, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2301	30 September	Just Kidding	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2299 REPORT

ONE of my early H5 trails was at the Sun Valley Inn, but nobody called it that. It was universally known as the Blood Valley Inn and you didn’t go there unless you were a local or you had a very good reason for going there – like Hash.

It had a couple of beers on tap – both Cascade – a couple of poisonous wines in cardboard and a very, very limited dining menu. An H5 pack would average 12-15 in those days and we were all runners which was just as well. When a ruckus kicked off at the Blood Valley, making a leisurely exit wasn’t an option.

Fast forward 30-plus years and Blood Valley is now the Mornington Inn with 3-star accommodation attached and most of today’s locals appear to still have their own front teeth. The H5 pack is assembling in the expansive dining room and the booking for 35 which two weeks ago would have been laughably optimistic is now requiring overspill tables.

Boosting the numbers are the returning drag queens Viagra, DNR, Can’t Stop and Prickit; a country member from the dark ages, Bugger Off, who, true to name, doesn’t hang around for the circle; and the Bean/Bling  vigilante squad having given up on their bid to assassinate Trump.

The dining room is chockablock with locals chowing down, giving the lie to the cost-of-living crisis allegedly engulfing such suburbs as Mornington and Warrane (let’s not forget, this is Monday), so our hare, Her Highness Eager, takes us outside for the chalk talk to emphasise the need for the runners to have torches and for everyone to be careful “crossing the big roads”. By this she means the Mornington Roundabout and associated feeder roads, the single worst piece of road engineering in southern Tasmania. (We can discuss the Elwick Rd/King George V roundabout on another occasion).

Can’t Stop, who is making the transition out of high heels back into sneakers with some difficulty, clearly wasn’t listening and only made it across four lanes of traffic thanks to a pirouette, an arabesque and a breathtaking jeté. The rest of the pack just waited for a break in the traffic.

The walkers’ trail, with a total elevation of 49 metres and distance of just under 4km, was a showcase of kindness and compassion for those Hashers disinclined to climb hills. For In The Raw it was a nostalgic return to those streets – Bligh, La Perouse, Dampier and Bass – that sheltered so many of the clients who helped build his career.

Back at the On On the wait staff were beginning to realise the folly of allocating a single table number to a 32-seat table and the usual bun-fight ensued over who had ordered what, with chips or vetables and with which sauce. Lone Arranger’s curried sausages were probably the only dish that would have been recognised at the Blood Valley Inn while anyone ordering Moreton Bay bugs with a medium rare steak, as Viagra did, would most likely have been served a knuckle sandwich at Blood Valley.

The meals here are huge: the monster parmi ordered by Bee’s Dick would have choked a horse; Miss Bling ordered the roast lamb, ate her fill, passed it on to Mr Bean who did his best and then took home enough for a full meal. Griz rued having overlooked the 550g rump steak for $38.

And for anyone who was still hungry after that, three cakes appeared at the circle to celebrate a trio of birthdays.

On! On!
Gov’nor Honkers

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SKOLS

• Her Highness Eager: hare
• Can’t Stop, Steptoe, Viagra, DNR, Rigor Mortis, Robin Hood, Lone Arranger, Miss Bling, Mr Bean, Grassroots, TopDek, TicToc: country members
• Her Highness Eager: set a death-trap trail along the side of the highway
• Rigor Mortis: bragging about lots of sand, sun and sex on her recent holiday
• Can’t Stop and Prickit: sprinted back along trail for a bit of sex
• Grizzly: propagating fake news after Sir Eve’s recent dead pubs run: photo-shopped himself into all the pubs he missed because he was lost
• Gov’nor Honkers and Cracker: falsely accused of propagating fake news
• Lone Arranger and Sir Eve: lost property: BIG torches
• Eveready: despite her name, running out front with a tiny torch on low beam
• Stunned Mullet: ducked off for a leak next to a high voltage power line
• Stunned Mullet: thanks for H5 support in his recent Kokoda Trail fund-raising exploits: he had never imagined such fruitful mankini experiences
• Stunned Mullet – presented FRB shirt to Eveready
• Gingernuts: just because, like a good crook staying under the radar, she never draws attention to herself
• Contessa Coupla Weeks: talked Prawn Star into going rogaining, prompting his wife to buy him a box of Regaine hair growth treatment
• Lord Limp: started watching a limp porn show, only to realise he hadn’t turned on the TV
• Grassroots, Pole Dancer, Can’t Stop: happy birthday far queue
• Prawn Star (from Stunned Mullet): prevented Stunned Mullet from returning the FRB shirt by hiding it
• Next Week: MILLSTONE: 750 runs*
• Cracker: MILLSTONE: 700 runs*

* While Next Week was lucky to have his badge presented by good JM Bad News, Cracker drew the short straw with Bad JM ITR, who displays less finesse than a bull in a china shop. Cracker wants to know where the fark was GM Clearfell, whose one job it is to present badges, in a suitably courteous manner, complete with uplifting speeches. One job!

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2299

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/