Volume 43, Issue 20 | September 2, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2299	16 September	Her Highness Eager	Mornington Inn
2300	23 September	Next Week	Moonah Hotel, Footy theme

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2297 REPORT

When the hare for Run 2297 was changed to Her Highness Eager, we were doomed to a wet run. Although, in fairness to Her Highness, the previous Coupla Weeks of ferocious Storms suggested we were doomed in any case.

Only 17 Hashers turned up – only the bravest, the hard-core true-blue, the craziest and best of us. Emily was there for her second run, proving she is mad enough to join the hallowed ranks of Hashers. It was way too cold for Pole Dancer, so ITR took over the task of Hash Flash, while Grizzly took over as Hash Cash.

The innkeeper ran the food ordering process with clock-work precision, insisting that we sat at our tables so he could take orders (at 6.29pm – what time does the 6.30pm run start?). We were to pay after the run, turning normal Hash procedure on its head; most of us coped, but more on this later.

Her Highness Eager issued instructions from the front porch: first, we needed a torch. I dashed back inside to get mine, so missed the rest of her wise words, but apparently they included the fact that gum boots would be useful. This proved to be true.

We headed south along the Main Rd, parallel to the railway line and the river, dodging puddles and traffic in the dark. Trail then diverted across some paddocks where the traffic obstacles were replaced with brambles, barbed wire fences and shiggy. Slippery, sticky shiggy! The amount stuck to my shoes doubled my body weight and made me much taller than Her Highness Eager. In fact, Thrill Seeker would have been proud of Eager for finding every single bit of shiggy there was to find.

Eventually, we hit the streets of Granton once again and wandered down Sharron Drive back to the Main Rd, playing in traffic and sloshing through puddles on the way back to the pub. The rain re-started. Grizzly (aka It-Never-Rains-on Hash-Man), who claimed to be wearing a wind jacket that was definitely not a rain jacket, immediately went into denial. No, it wasn’t rain, it was just spray from the passing cars being flung up over our heads. Then, as the rain got ever heavier, he abandoned this fairy tale to blame ITR – if he hadn’t made us stop so often for photos, we would have been back at the pub earlier and missed the rain. The Delusions of Grizzly: could be the title of a bad thriller movie.

The pack stayed together along trail, except for Lone Arranger and Ratu Steady Eddie, who did a quick out and back route along the Main Rd, getting back to the pub before the rain set in (Lone Arranger is such an over-achiever – she achieved way above her target of staying by the fire).

Total distance for the walkers’ trail was about 3.5kms, total ascent a measly 75m. This was the second short and flat trail that Her Highness has set lately, blaming it on the rain – seems like this might be the way of the future, because everyone knows it always rains on an Eager run.

The York Hotel, 12 Mile Steakhouse, was a welcome refuge from the weather. It’s an interesting place: it opened in 1836 as an inn and was used as a coaching stop. It even has a royal connection – Prince Alfred (Duke of Edinburgh), on the first royal visit to Tassie, changed horses here and stepped inside for a glass of ale. Some of the original sandstone walls have been retained through renovations. There was a fire blazing in the fireplace. Cozy!

The food was good (although nobody went for the 500g steak), with only a couple of Hash glitches. Contessa Coupla Weeks thought the very efficient waiting staff had brought her the wrong food because her mouth and her brain had gone in opposite directions when she ordered, so the innkeeper had to defend his pub’s honour by convincing her that she was wrong. Then ITR and Gov’nor Honkers insisted on discussing colonoscopies as she was eating; it just wasn’t the Contessa’s night. ITR forgot about paying after the meal, so the innkeeper had to give him a little lecture along the lines of: ‘we make you food; you pay us for food; that’s how it works around here’.

We retired to a separate dining room for the Lip session, as there were still civilians in the main dining room. No fire here, and a wee bit chilly. Only WWW and good JM Bad News, inured to cold by Scottish weather and heating systems, thought it was balmy. Bad JM ITR had to run for his Oody. Prawn Star, the only Lip to brave the weather, did a sterling job, honouring the age-old skols tradition that truth shouldn’t get in the way of a good story. Unlike this run report, which is full of FACTS.

On! On! – Cracker

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Deepest condolences to Thrill Seeker and Thrill Maker on your personal loss. Our thoughts are with you.

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SKOLS

• Her Highness Eager: hare
• Ratu Steady Eddie, Spoof, Just Kidding: c#ntry members
• Ratu Steady Eddie: went skiing at Falls Creek with three generations of his family; all going downhill together
• ITR: claims to be tough but wore his Geelong pussy cat Oodie to the On On
• Cracker: featured in a Muckery headline, ‘Storm has Passed’; in the absence of further information, it was assumed that the next word should have been Wind
• Cracker: started writing the run report in advance of the run, then couldn’t use it
• Emily: already, on only her second run, displaying outstanding Hash qualities
• Grizzly: lost property (his car keys: how was he going to get home?)
• Bad News (from ITR): delaying the tight meal ordering process by asking inane questions about the meals
• ITR (from Cracker): tried to escape the pub without paying for his meal
• Just Kidding: saved her jumping-into-a-puddle trick until the end of the run

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2297

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/