Volume 43, Issue 19 | August 26, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2298	9 September	Contessa Coupla Weeks	Taroona Bowls Club
2299	16 September	Her Highness Eager	Mornington Inn
2300	23 September	Next Week	Moonah Hotel, Footy theme

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2296 REPORT

A large crowd of Hashers gathered at the Prince of Wales to a cacophony of squeaks and squarks from various toys, in accordance with. Sir Eve’s ‘squeaky toy’ theme. But it must be said that the simple instruction to bring a squeaky toy proved too much of a challenge for some Hashers. Some simply forgot. ITR interpreted it to mean ‘footie theme’. Next Week earnestly explained that he hadn’t forgotten but couldn’t find a squeaky toy shop between home and the pub; he also admitted to limited forward planning skills.

Outside the pub on a mild winter’s evening, Sir Eve issued run instructions: something about looking out for eight squeak points along trail and squeaking loudly at said points. The added challenge was to identify a common factor between the squeak points.

Bad JM ITR appointed himself to take photos along trail. Ah, isn’t it nice to have your Trash illustrated with photos taken outside on the actual trail? Isn’t it nice to have a photographic record that shows you out on actual trail? Enjoy! Hash Flash Pole Dancer, take note! Of course, to enjoy these photos, Hashers had to endure ITR’s simulation of a demented border collie rounding up sheep and his frequent shouts: ‘Turn ya f#ckin’ torches off.’ ‘Stop and squeak.’ ‘Look this way.’ And ITR had to endure a few aches and pains as a result of all that running around.

We came to the first squeak point (designated with an S in a circle) outside the now closed Welcome Stranger pub, and the second outside the old Theatre Royal pub. Here, Grizzly was the first to identify the significance of the squeak points – they were positioned outside redundant pubs. Continuing to the third squeak point – outside the old Royal Exchange – confirmed this hypothesis.

Grizzly, drunk on success, got carried away by his cleverness and decided he didn’t need arrows to take him to the next squeak point. He was seen heading toward the Ocean Child (nowhere near trail), missing the fourth squeak point at the old Duke of York site, and reemerging a couple of pubs further on. If he were a cat, he would have been cleaning his whiskers to hide embarrassment.

Trail continued to more squeak points outside the once-upon-a-time Brunswick and Alabama pubs. At this point, the light bulb finally flashed on for Grass Roots and she brightly exclaimed, ‘Oh, we’re stopping at dead pubs’. Now that she was singing the same requiem mass as everyone else, Grass Roots was also heard to comment that it was thirsty work, looking for dead pubs. Growler had already proved the truth of this by skipping into a live pub along the trail.

The final two squeak points were found outside the Bavarian Tavern and the recently deceased Duke of Wellington, where Coupla Weeks had to be called back from creeping before everyone had finished squeaking.

The walkers’ trail was excellent; Sir Eve added lots of interest to a city run by turning it into a wake for dead pubs, and the squeak points were most effective at keeping the pack together (aided by border collie ITR running in circles and barking at the heels of straying sheep Hashers). The runners disappeared quickly, but I have it on the best authority that they split at the Duke of York squeak point, then went up Macquarie St to the Wheatsheaf before coming back, and that they got to do Billy Goat steps. No time to stop and squeak in memory of dead pubs. It’s understood that Organ Grinder is faking an injury just so he can have more fun with the walkers’ group.

It’s sobering to realise how many of Hobart’s pubs have died, many of them recently. Good JM Bad News went as far as claiming it was a sign that society is failing (or maybe just becoming sober). Many Hashers remember drinking at the defunct pubs. It was easy to pick the real p#ss-heads – they were most adept at predicting where the next squeak point would be. Ah, such nostalgia for the good old days!

All that nostalgia in the air set Gov’nor Honkers to reminiscing about his very first H5 run, way back in 1990, which was also set by Sir Eve. It set out from the Crescent Hotel, another run with a theme: Hashers were instructed to carry a bucket, a balloon, and a 50cent piece. Some bystanders threw coins into the buckets. Just goes to show how far Sir Eve has come since then: in 34 years, he has moved on from playing with buckets and balloons and thinking 50cents will buy an ice cream, to a squeaky dirge for lost pubs (this is a sad reflection on the state of getting older).

Back at the Prince of Wales, the food was good as always, there was White Rabbit on tap as always, and staff welcomed Hashers as always. Starting a wake for dead pubs from the Prince of Wales was a clever and appropriate move by Sir Eve: if the pub’s proposed demolition goes ahead, it will be yet another sad loss.

On On! – Cracker

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SKOLS

• Sir Eve: hare
• Wee Bev, Growler, Flat Cat, MOP, French Tickler, Herr Flick, Sonar, + some others: c#ntry members
• Sonar: was kicked out of British pubs because he drank all the Guinness and ate all the pies
• ITR: came wearing a footie theme instead of a squeaky toy
• WWW and Contessa Coupla Weeks, aka Jenny and Adele: don’t know their own Hash names
• MOP, Flat Cat: one Jenny/Adele skols, all Jennys/Adeles skol
• WWW and Contessa Coupla Weeks: won a rogaining event in their age group (so what if they were the only competitors in their age group?)
• Grizzly: illustrating the pub’s motto that life is never dull with a fat b#stard at the table
• Emily: virgin
• Emily: wearing a flannelette shirt on the wrong side of the Flannelette Curtain
• Bad News: MILLSTONE: 150 runs
• Gov’nor Honkers (from Herr Flick): insulting an innocent Aussie artist in his anti-stadium letter to the Muckery

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2296

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG NEW!
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/