Volume 43, Issue 17 | August 12, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2296	26 August	Sir Eve	Prince of Wales
2296	2 September	TBA	TBA
2297	9 September	TBA	TBA
2298	16 September	TBA	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2293 REPORT

When it comes to educating the uneducated*, Bad News has ‘form’. On a previous trail he had sent the Pack on a tour of the defunct pubs of Hobart, which was nowhere near as interesting as a tour of the fully operational pubs of Hobart, but was enlightening to find out what a bunch of p!ssheads those early Hobartians were.

* no shortage around here

This time around Bad News challenged us to find the five points of interest he’d marked along the way, and work out the common thread. This would be quite the challenge, as few Hashers can actually follow trail, let alone remember five things (six, if you include ‘remember to breathe’).

The streets of the Hobart CBD are awash with ghosts of trails past, including some trail set with cornice cement (which could still be used as an emergncy back-up trail should the Trailmaster du jour fail to secure Hares**). Not wanting to confuse the Pack, Bad News set his trail using two-headed arrows. Was this a clue? At this stage, the Pack was clueless.

** otherwise known as ‘doing their job’

Trail zig-zagged through the CBD before reaching our first mark, outside the CCAMLR headquarters in Macquarie Street. A helpful information board behind an unhelpful fence detailed that the building was previously the ‘original’ Hutchins School then later Christ College, so institutionalised buggary wasn’t out of the question as the common thread.

While ‘themed runs’ can often be an excuse to set a very basic trail, this one still had all the checks and FTs you’d hope to see, and the majority of the Pack – the walking Pack, anyway – were being kept together.

Our second marked landmark was the Albuera Street Primary School. This building did not bear the striking architectural features of the previous, but a helpful sign did show that the school opened in 1853. Clearly this was a case of architectural Botox, for the building itself looked a lot younger. Had we turned around – and had it not been dark and obscured by more recent contructions – we would have spotted the original school building, which was much more ‘age appropriate’.

The third mystery mark was by-passed by most as it appeared at a deviation in the trail, meaning that most Hashers missed seeing it by following the front-mincing bastards as they called ‘on’ down James Street, heading toward Preachers. Apparently the marking was outside the Queen Alexandra Maternity Hospital, another architecturally bastardised building and the colony’s first midwifery training hospital.

So, was this a literal education trail? Sir Eve had a different theory, declaring that each started with the letter ‘A’, then defended his position in a Trump-like manner by pointing out that one of the words in the acronym ‘CCAMLR’ started with ‘A’, so he was still right.

The fourth landmark put paid to my education theory as we stopped outside the former Imperial Hotel (even though many valuable life lessons can be learned while drinking a pint). Eve stuck to his guns by declaring it to be ‘A Pub’, seizing both the moral high ground and the low intelligence gully of stupidity.

Getting back on trail from this point taxed the over-worked half-minds of Hashers, eventually finding the back-check trail eastwards along Collins Street.

The final landmark was the Theatre Royal, but there was now little memory retention as the thought of a nice beer was rapidly filling all available brain space. As little as that may be.

It was a very good trail, and by making us look closer at places we would normally just Hash past it made the trail more than just another run through the city.

In the circle the Hare posed the question ‘did anyone work out the connection’? Gov’nor Honkers‘ hand shot up so quickly that there was an audible pop as the arm left the shoulder socket (such a move would have won Australia gold in the breakdancing competition).

It turned out that all landmarks could be linked to that famous Tasmanian Errol Flynn, who for the benefit of our younger readers (everyone other than Ratu Steady) was best known for playing centre half-forward for St Kilda in the 1952 and 1953 VFL competition.

Fact.

On On – Grizzly

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SKOLS

Took notes this time. They were bloody useless.

• Bad News – Hare, in like Flynn
• Just Kidding – no idea, I was down getting a beer. A man’s not a camel. you know!
• Ratu Steady Eddie – assignation attempt on Bad News
• Jerk Off – gave his Hash name when ordering his meal, resulting in everyone having to use their real name 
• MOP – new shoes
• Grizzly – got his poo suit back from Bee’s Dick, complete with new collection of stray pubes
• Bee’s Dick – can’t remember, something about a small dick
• TopDek and Sugar Babe – hippo birdy two ewes
• Pole Dancer – Bee’s Dick was recorded as ‘Bee Stick’ in the C-club rag (not sure why Poley got the skol when Wee Bev writes it!)
• Rigor Mortis – I wrote down ‘fixer upper’, no f*cking idea what that means. Vaginal restoration?
• MOP, Organ Grinder, and Sugar Babe – c*untry members
• Grizzly and Lone Arranger – new house purchase with not a blade of grass (how’s In The Raw meant to cut Grizzly’s grass now?)

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2294

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG NEW!
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/