Volume 43, Issue 16 | August 5, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2295	19 August	Rigor Mortis	Brighton Hotel
2296	26 August	Sir Eve	Prince of Wales
2296	2 September	TBA	TBA
2297	9 September	TBA	TBA

---

UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

---

---

RUN 2293 REPORT

“I’m going to be away for two weeks and I am appointing you as my stand-in On Sec,” said a voice from somewhere near my kneecaps, “and remember – my Trashes only contain FACTS!”

Cracker then disappeared off to compete in the low jump in the Under 4-foot category at the Nimbin Nude Olympics. Fact.

I did a ‘fact-check’ on the past 15 issues of the Hash Trash and have determined that only 17.3% of content was indeed factual, most of that relating to how much of a bastard In The Raw is. (Which is an undeniable fact.)

The previous time we Hashed from the Crescent, our allocated space was wall-to-wall with Hasher flesh (which isn’t all that hard to achieve given some of our constituents). This time there was ample space for you and your bank manager to get to the bar to order a beer.

The Hare declared that the trail would satisfy the ‘flat earthers’, which was good news for most as the Hotel sat on the boundary of some undesirable territory for anyone feeling old.

By the way, Lone Arranger objects to being felt up like that.

Viagra wasn’t having a bar of it (pun unintended) and determined that trail would be truely flat if he remained at the pub and had a meal that didn’t involve Balinese chicken or rice.

True to the Hare’s word, trail headed down toward the Brooker and featured enough FTs to keep the Pack together for the first ten metres, before dropping off those who think that talking and walking are pretty much the same thing.

It’s hard to wax lyrical about winter trails in North Hobart. Yes, it was well thought out and well set, but the letterbox at 57 Carr Street is not my muse, regardless of how many times we visit it on trail over the course of winter Hashing.

All was going well until we crossed the divide into West Hobart. While the terrain could be best described as ‘undulating’ (real undulating, not Thrill Seeker undulating) it was NOT flat and the ‘flat earthers’ were not happy.

Any argument about it being flat disappeared as we descended Union Street quicker than a pubescent boy’s testicles. You don’t get that much ‘down’ without an equal amount of ‘up’.

After heading through the skate park – the new golden arena of Australian sport* – we found the promised p!ss stop, featuring the world’s second best Glühwein. (It should be noted that, despite Cracker’s assertion that this Trash should contain only facts, this is one falsehood that she is quite happy to propagate.) It was just as well that Cracker was off learning pubic macrame at the Byron Bay Nude Arts and Crafts Festival, because In The Raw put in a shocker, offering a brew that lack balance and subtlety, instead hitting the palate like a Swiss man’s wet sock filled with clove and blackberry Chupa Chups. TopDek declared it to be ITR’s best yet, but I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or if she had a thing for men from Switzerland and their hosiery.

* What happened to the days when Olympics only had proper sports, like tug-of-war and live pigeon shooting. Fact!

We were shepherded back to the Hotel, where we played the game of ‘who ordered the schnitzel’, ‘he’s not here’, and ‘oh wait, I think I ordered the schnitzel’. Eventually everyone got something, and Gov’nor Honkers didn’t have to wait for his mashed potato dessert.

Good trail, albeit totally forgettable come AGPU time. Fact.

On On – Grizzly

---

SKOLS

Disclaimer: I was too focussed on facts, therefore didn’t record any of the skols because we all know that they’re bullshit, so here’s the few that I could remember.

• In The Raw – Hare.
• Dishlicker, DNR, Thrill Seeker and Viagra – can’t remembers.
• Bad News – thought that Royal Tennis was a contact sport and tried to take out his opponent, which turned out to be a very solid wall.
• Bee’s Dick – shorts on back-to-front, wondered why his piles had more ‘breathing room’
• Magic Touch – ordered the ‘Mac and cheese’ thinking that it was a hamburger.
• Plus other skols I couldn’t remember.

---

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2293

---

DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG NEW!
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

---

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

---

Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/