Volume 43, Issue 15 | July 29, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2294	12 August	Bad News	New Sydney
2295	19 August	Rigor Mortis	Brighton Hotel
2296	26 August	Sir Eve	Prince of Wales

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2292 REPORT

We gathered once again behind the Flannelette Curtain for Run 2292, set by Her Highness Eager from the Club Hotel. The most surprising thing about this event was that it didn’t rain. Everybody knows that it always rains on an Eager trail, anything from mizzle to drizzle to a shower to full blown rain, hail, sleet and snow. An Eager trail and rain go together like … gin and tonic … beer and cheezels … coffee and chocolate.

Hashers responded to Her Highness Eager’s Xmas in July theme with various degrees of effort, from none (fortunately, Lone Arranger and Lord Limp had brought extra Xmas hats for the saddest individuals) to lots (Gov’nor Honkers was resplendent in his cute Xmas elf suit).

So, no rain. It was, however, f#ckin’ freezin’, about 3 degrees, a fact that Her Highness Eager took into account in announcing a SHORT trail (to the expected shouts of ‘Stand up, Eager‘). This proved to be true: total distance for walkers was 4.5kms, elevation gain a measly 85m.

Her Highness Eager was insistent that we follow trail exactly, especially through the shopping centres, presumably because she wanted to terrorize the locals. Trail led through the two finest shopping malls behind the Flannelette Curtain. Finding the correct exit to continue trail was a bit challenging, as Her Highness had not been game to draw arrows on the floors. However, our two closet shopping mall tragics put their experience to good use in finding the way out … Grizzly, no doubt after many escape attempts while shopping with Lone Arranger, and ITR, strutting through familiar shopping-with-mum territory. Locals in the shopping malls determinedly avoided eye contact. It seems that a crowd of people dressed in diverse interpretations of ‘Xmas theme’, strolling along to shouts of ‘On On’, was beyond weird, even beyond the Flannelette Curtain.

Along the way, Sir Eve was heard to complain about the Good JM Bad News who, on any trail, can be relied upon to call ‘Are You?’ within 30 seconds of any ‘On On’ call. It must be also said that Sir Eve admitted he couldn’t hear any calls over the jingling of his bells, or balls, or something.

Along the aptly named Elf Avenue (stand up, Eager), we came across a crafty FT. The walkers were coming back from this FT as the runners approached it, and ITR and Grizzly, who are both on Santa’s naughty list, called out that they should keep going because they were on the runners’ trail. Bah humbug, so much for Xmas goodwill! But really, how can Hashers such as Bee’s Dick be so gullible? All that running must result in brain freeze. Along Chapel St, over another FT that Her Highness had cunningly placed in a little park, lurked ITR, trying to lure other unsuspecting Hashers (no wonder he’s the Bad JM), until TicToc gave the game away by calling FT.  She claimed that she had thought about not calling, but her long habit of talking without thinking had got in the way.

Eager set not one, but two Master Checks along trail (a Hash sin). There was some grumbling about how f#ckin’ freezin’ it was as we waited at the MCs and serial MC creepers such as Rigor Mortis started to creep. It was noted that master creeper Sir Eve seems to have turned over a new leaf, as he waited and shivered with the non-creepers.

Back at the On On, it was suddenly realized that Pole Dancer was AWOL, so Rigor Mortis and Grizzly took over as Hash Flash. The Club Hotel’s under-whelming meals were slowly delivered by the waitress calling out Hash names, which caused some severe jaw-dropping among the Bingo ladies at the next tables. So it was politically correct (if such a term can be used behind the Flannelette Curtain) to move the On On session a bit further away, upstairs, before the Bingo ladies were further shocked by Hash antics.

On On – Cracker

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SKOLS

• Her Highness Eager: hare
• Twice Cumming, Lord Limp, Offal, Gingernuts: c#ntry members
• Sir Eve: unsporting behaviour, hiding trail
• Growler: MILLSTONE: 700 runs
• ITR: drunk on power as last week’s Lip, telling Hashers to ‘do as they were told’
• Jerk Off: turned up to Hash with a Santa present
• Jerk Off: took a 10kms detour on the way to Hash; his excuse was to avoid the ‘very dangerous’ turn across traffic into the hotel’s car park
• Lone Arranger: after a dummy spit at work, now has only 5 days to go before retirement. Congratulations!
• Bee’s Dick: lost part of his tooth at soccer and gained a red card for his efforts
• Ratu Steady Eddie: asked the Lips to be quick because he wanted to get home early to watch women’s volleyball
• Bad News: can’t read my writing, but it would have been something dire
• WWW (from Just Kidding) lost property (a water?? bottle)
• Bee’s Dick and Prawn Star (from ITR): Both Lips AWOL last week without notice: if you can’t make it to Hash as the Lips, tell someone, you idiots!
• ITR (from Sir Eve): at last week’s run, planned to catch the bus home, then delayed so long over his last beer that he had to run out the door mid-sentence

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2292

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG NEW!
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/