Volume 43, Issue 14 | July 22, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2293	5 August	ITR	TBA
2294	12 August	Bad News	New Sydney
2295	19 August	Rigor Mortis	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2291 REPORT

The Shamrock is one of Australia’s oldest continuously licensed pubs. It opened as the Britannia Hotel in 1823, was re-named a couple of years later to the Vine Tavern and in 1886 re-named again to the Shamrock Hotel. Its art deco façade was added to the original building in the 1930s. None of this history is visible when you walk into the pub today, but at least it has some decent beers on tap.

There were 29 Hashers gathered at the Shamrock for Just Kidding’s run, although there seemed to be more, probably because it was so noisy in the small space. According to Hash Elder Grizzly, this was because Hash Talkaholic TicToc was back and elevating the noise level. Just Kidding, or the weather, or the pub, attracted several c#ntry members, including Herr Flick, who had hastily pinned on his 25 runs badge (attained in 2004) and is now up to 29 runs.

Just Kidding finally got the troops together outside for a briefing, after some blonde-induced confusion, accompanied by Sir Eve’s whingeing, about whether we should be inside or outside. Big Mac and Quarter Pounder arrived late with Horns, but whether they were blown on trail is unclear. Pole Dancer was there with camera, but too busy going through his pre-race preparation routine to take photos; such is the stress of forever trying to beat the Burger Boys. According to the Hare, the walk was 4kms, the run 5kms, and she’d overwritten someone else’s previous trail. What could possibly go wrong?

Up Harrington St and around the corner to Goulburn St, and we were off. It was lucky that Bad News and Arsecutter had their torches blazing to help them find trail; at the early runners/walkers split, they continued along the runners’ trail until called back by torchless ITR, in a rare display of benevolence. Speaking of which, what a heart-warming sight it was to see Steptoe, all decked out in fluro gear, carefully shepherding along Ratu Steady Eddie to ensure that he and his hat didn’t get lost.

From Molle St, trail diverted along the Hobart Rivulet Track, a nice touch to get off the concrete. Then a loop back along Macquarie and Davey Streets to St David’s Park, another nice off-concrete diversion. At his point, I had to leave trail, with ITR as bodyguard, due to an urgent call of nature (I blame Lone Arranger and her gift of pre-trail Guiness), only to find the park’s public loos locked. Bloody hell! A quick penguin march back to the On On ensued.

My trail distance was 3.9kms. Gov’nor Honkers reported 4.3kms, but admitted to getting lost somewhere around St David’s park. Perhaps he needed a bodyguard! It was a good city trail, in mild winter weather, and another dream run for the Flat Earthers.

Both Lips were AWOL, having settled in at a pub down the road without thinking it might be a good idea to inform someone of their absence. But Good JM Bad News, with his ootlin brogue, and Bad JM ITR, power-drunk blowhard, admirably filled the gap with an entertaining Lip session. I must also add that Bad News set a Lips precedence by sending the Hon Sec a list of his half of the skols: no wonder he’s the good JM

On On – Cracker

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SKOLS

• Just Kidding: hare
• Just Kidding: trouble distinguishing between ‘C’ and ‘5’ on trail
• Just Kidding, Eager, Sugar Babe, Steptoe, MOP, TicToc, Wee Bev, Herr Flick, Quarter Pounder, Big Mac, Fat Controller: c#ntry members
• Herr Flick: last H5 run millstone (25 runs) was in 2004: it’s taken him 23 years to do 29 runs
• Wee Bev: responsible for Herr Flick’s presence and so bringing H5 into disrepute
• Next Week: needed feathers for a Cowboys and Indians night; plucked some from a dead seagull
• Grizzly: after over indulging at a wine tasting night, blew LA out of bed with the world’s biggest fart
• Cracker: not sharing the fun of writing run reports
• Cracker: c#ming out with rainbow socks
• Ratu Steady Eddie: things not working properly; needs more blue pills
• Steptoe: as Ratu Steady Eddie’s carer, wearing fluro to keep him safe
• Grassroots: over-excited about a vibrating ball on TV
• Can’t Stop: far cough yak hunt
• Magic Touch: standing at the gents’ toilet entrance in the Shamrock, got propositioned with what might have been a gang bang invite. She was also spotted lurking ‘on the run’ nowhere near trail but looking for an Uber
• Pole Dancer: ignoring Hash Flash duties because he was too busy with run preparations
• MOP: holy shoes: both her runners had tell-tale peep toes
• Cracker: doing a penguin walk back to On On when she couldn’t find an open loo on trail
• Magic Touch: leaving bag unattended
• Grassroots: lost property
• Arsecutter: MILLSTONE: 175 runs
• Prickit: (from Grizzly): as she doesn’t have to cut Can’t Stop’s lunches for four weeks, she should cut Herr Flick’s lunches instead
• Cracker: fake skol because Grizzly refused to accept responsibility for sexist skol
• Big Mac and Quarter Pounder: where was the Horn on trail (not heard all night)? The good JM also put to the masses the question of which Burger Boy is which? Response was inconclusive

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2291

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG NEW!
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/