Volume 43, Issue 12 | July 8, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2291	22 July	Just Kidding	TBA
2292	29 July	Eager	Club Hotel
2293	5 August	ITR	TBA
2294	12 August	Bad News	New Sydney
2295	19 August	Rigor Mortis	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Bicheno
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2289 REPORT

A. A musical run report, to the tune of The Angels My Boyfriend’s Back

She’s set a trail and we’re gunna regret it,
Hey now, Hand’s On, she’s back on trail …
She sets a mean trail, we’re not gunna forget it,
Hey now, Hand’s On, she’s back on trail …

Hey no, that’s way too difficult. Let’s try an unmusical version:

B. Trail turned right along Ringwood Rd. Then it turned into the Tangara Trail, then onto Terrina St. Trail headed back south along Terrina St , then turned into Bangalee St. The trail turned right at North Terrace, then right again at South Arm Rd and back to the On On. There was a lively lip session and a jolly time was had by all.

Hey no, that’s so boring that I’m falling asleep over my own run report. Start again:

C. A relatively low (no, not a Cracker joke) number of 28 Hashers turned up at the Lauderdale Foreshore Tavern, a venue that we haven’t used for a while. Grizzly betrayed his creed of ‘It never rains on a Hash run’ by offering Lone Arranger an umbrella. Such lack of faith is a shame! Lone Arranger tried to sabotage Cracker’s elite performance by presenting her with a glass of bubbly before trail. Who drinks before going out on trail? Ah, that’s right, most Hashers … including Stunned Mullet who, as reported by Prawn Star, had just arrived at the start of the Kokoda Trail and was imbibing a score of beers before tackling the hills and mud the next day.

Thrill Seeker arrived at 6.20, prompting expressions of concern about his well-being. Has chronic punctuality replaced his previous talent for arriving unfashionably late?Even Ted Bullpit arrived early. Anticipation about Hands On’s run was running high.

Hands On was asked for a Hare comment and replied that it was a trash trail, it was dark out there, and she wasn’t going to claim Trail of the Year because numerous Hashers (you know who you are) do so with monotonous regularity.

The trail did a wide loop of Lauderdale, following part of the Tangara Trail and a variety of streets until turning along North Terrace, beside the Ralphs Bay Canal-to-Nowhere. Ratu Steady Eddie was tempted to test whether his newly elevated status would permit him to walk on water but, like Grizzly, he lacked the courage of his convictions. The final stretch of trail took us along a short (again, not a Cracker joke) stretch of South Arm Rd and back to the pub. It was along this stretch that Can’t Stop passed us with a sprightly spring in his shuffle. At this rate, Can’t Stop will be deposed as President-for-Life of the NDIS. There are a few contenders waiting to knock him from this lofty perch. Honkers fulfilled his goal for the night, successfully negotiating the car park twice and remaining upright for the whole time.

Hands On had obviously eaten Smarties for lunch and was indubitably right about the darkness … it was dark as a moonless night with few streetlights around could be. Nevertheless, ITR indulged in his familiar bleating about torches ruining his night vision and disturbing the balance of the universe by interfering with the star light, which had been put there by Providence precisely to light our way.

Meals at the pub were good value for money. Even so, Sir Eve, having settled for rissoles instead of curry when the curry ran out, asked for $3.00 off his rissoles because he’d already paid extra for the curry, then wondered if he could have a pensioner discount as well. Tighter than a duck’s bum in convulsions!

Congratulations to Hands On for both venue and trail. Walkers’ trail was (approximately) 4.91kms, with the runners’ trail reputed to be 7 – 8 kms. With an elevation gain of 34m, the Flat Earthers were once again happier than pigs in poo.

On On – Cracker

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SKOLS

• Hands On: hare
• Ted Bullpit, Contessa Coupla Weeks, Magic Touch, Jaffa, TicToc: c#ntry members
• Contessa Coupla Weeks: incapable of following instructions
• Snack Bar: using his yoga mat for special activities on special occasions
• Jaffa: shaking hands while they were slimy after a loo visit
• Cracker: a near miss with a pole on trail
• Cracker: happy birthday far queue
• Pole Dancer and ITR: presented with prizes from Stunned Mullet’s Kokoda Trail fund-raiser. (Prawn Star took great delight in presenting wine to Pole Dancer and a flower voucher to ITR)
• Cass, Amber, Charni: H5 virgins
• Jaffa (from ITR): delivered beers he had lost in a bet to ITR, then proceeded to drink them all himself
• Pricket and Can’t Stop (from Snack Bar): creative parking (a case of the pot calling the kettle black)

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2288

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG NEW!
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/