Volume 43, Issue 5 | May 20, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2284	3 June	Growler	Claremont Bowls Club
2285	10 June	Ted Bullpit	TBA
2286	17 June	Bad News and W3	Midway Point
2287	24 June	Combined clubs charity run	Royal Yacht Club of Tas
2288	1 July	Pole Dancer	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

7 – 9 June 2024 | Chardonnay Highland Fling, Gowrie Park
24 June 2024 | Combined Clubs Charity Run in support of gynaecological cancer research, Royal Yacht Club of Tasmania, Marieville Esplanade, Sandy Bay
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN REPORT

Run 2282 was all about Steady Eddie, as a big pack of close to 50 Hashers gathered to help him celebrate his 1,000^th run. Steady recollects that his first H5 run was in 1983, when he returned from Fiji. On On was at the Dr Syntax Hotel and Easy Rider (may he Hash forever on Hash Cloud 9) named him Steady Eddie. Now, if Steady’s memory is reliable (and, given his advancing years, it might be only as reliable as his sleazy jokes – more on that later), and if he had run 52 Mondays each year, not even counting the odd H5 weekend events, he should have reached 1,000 runs sometime in 2002. So WTF? Steady might claim that he was too busy living his life, but stalwart Hashers like Sir Eve would never let such a paltry excuse get in the way of their Hash run tally.

Steady says he’s not sure when he became so sleazy. He tells everyone who doesn’t want to listen that he is the sleaziest person in Hash, and he really does try very hard. But I’m afraid the truth of his sleaziness is summarized in the following little limerick:

There was an old Hasher called Steady,
To be King of the Sleaze he was ready.
But his sleaze jokes came out
As old dad jokes, no doubt,
So King of the Sleaze sure ain’t Steady.

So, on to Run 2282. Incoming sent the pack out the door with promises – separate trails for NDIS, walkers and runners, a premium Piss Stop and return to the Bellerive Yacht Club for a gourmet meal, generously supplied by Incoming.

Trail started around the waterfront, with Hashers strolling along and appreciating the views of lights twinkling on the water and looking forward to an easy trail which would scarcely earn them the culinary delights to follow. After a while, we came upon Spoof directing the NDIS contingent onto their separate trail. I asked a couple of NDIS disciples what they thought of the trail: Honkers stated it was more appropriate for Oscar Pistorius and deserving of the same fate, while Jerky complained that everyone on the other trails finished before the NDIS mob and they were only expecting to do 100m in any case. Ah well, you can’t please everyone!

As for the walkers’ trail, who put all those hills in the way of our little promenade? Still, (puff) the views were nice (puff). I don’t know where the runners went, don’t care. We finally came to the site of the Piss Stop, Steady’s son Outgoing’s house in Montague Bay Rd. Ah, this was certainly a winner, with some seriously good gluhwein, champagne, and piping hot nibbles; it was immediately voted Piss Stop of the year. Big Bang, asked to rate the trail, gave it 7 out of 10, but increased that rating to 15 out of 10 once the Piss Stop was also considered. We would have happily stayed for longer, but Incoming was soon ushering us back to the On On and dinner.

Well done to Incoming for putting so much effort into making Steady’s 1,000^th run such a memorable occasion, one that even Steady is unlikely to forget.

Back at the On On and after the meal so generously supplied by Incoming (what Hasher doesn’t love a free meal?), the main business was the bestowing of Steady’s honorific and his admittance to the Royalty of H5. Our GM, Clearfell, had left delegation instructions: ‘Your esteemed GM can’t be here in person for this auspicious occasion of Steady Eddie’s 1,000^th run. An awesome achievement on his part, along with all the Hashers who have walked with him and endured lengthy conversations during said walks. We doff our collective hats to Steady. I have put ITR in charge of the hallowed H5 cream to undertake our special ritual this evening.’

Fortunately, Bad News (the Good JM) was there to share the duties with ITR (the Bad JM) and so prevent the special ritual falling into chaos and mayhem. After a fairly sedate creaming by Bad News, ITR gave Steady a ceremonial tap on the shoulder with a sword (in view of the age of his knees, Steady was allowed to sit rather than kneel) as ITR conferred the honorific of Ratu.

Arise, Ratu Steady Eddie. Ratu reflects Steady’s misspent youth in Fiji. It refers to a title used by Fijians of chiefly rank. It seems appropriate, as Ratu Steady could be seen to be chiefly rank.

To continue the story of Ratu Steady’s BIG 1,000^th night: he went home to find Mrs Steady was not at all happy. ‘Ratu Steady’, she said, ‘I’ve been watching TV all night and there’s nothing but s#x on the TV. S#x, s#x, s#x, and I’m sick of it’. ‘Well’, replied Ratu Steady, ‘I wouldn’t mind a bit of s#x on the TV myself. But we’d have to be careful not to fall off’.

On On – Cracker

Addendum: In an unprecedented move, Ratu Steady Eddie wrote some verse to commemorate his own entry to H5 Royalty. Here it is (it’s a bit like some of his history talks, really):

How many runs has Steady done?
He must have done a few
‘Cause he started with H5
In 1642.

A thousand runs I hear you say
He joins the titled few
Does this mean he gets free beer
Instead of waiting in the queue?

He used to run with pace and grace
26 Bruny runs in his time
Gliding down the lighthouse road
Best time 4 hours twenty nine.

These days it’s fair to say, he’s slowed up quite a bit
Still follows trail of flour and chalk
With the aid of a pacemaker and 2 new hips
And regularly giving riveting history talks.

Ratu Steady

SKOLS

• Incoming – Hare
• A mob of c#ntry members – Azaria, Spoof, LaLa, Big Bang, Fringe Benefits, Jerk Off, Offal, maybe more
• Bee’s Dick – his brother left him a suspicious bag in a drug dealer zone
• TicToc – horny for Bad News‘ chili
• Sonar – lost property, proved to belong to LA
• Hands On – something about a bull on a bike
• Steady Eddie – fined for illegal parking at the Uni Review
• Steady Eddie – Bestowing of his honorific, Steady is henceforth to be known as Ratu Steady Eddie
• Sir Eve, Her Highness Eager, Lord Limp, Gov’nor Honkers, Contessa Coupla Weeks – one member of H5 Royalty skols, all members of H5 Royalty skol
• Da Niece – naming of Jill Thyne, who has now completed three H5 runs. So named because Honkers, after decades of bringing his ‘nieces’ to Hash, finally managed to bring along a real one.
• Arsecutter – Honkers, after trying to run over Sonar, missed and ran into Arsecutter‘s car.
• Sonar – happy birthday, far queue
• Tic Toc – racist
• Sonar – presented with “old Man on Bike’ shirt
• Ratu Steady Eddie – FRB shirt (of course)
• Thrillseeker (Wha’)- wearing his mouldy toucan hat yet again
• Viagra and Platapussy – presented with ‘best hats’ awards

ITR DECREE #2

From this day forward, Can’t Stop will be known as the ‘President for Life of the NDIS chapter of H5 *

ITR

* This so-called decree is not really worthy of editorial comment, but I can’t resist Oscar Wilde’s perfect description of ITR: ‘He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends’. Ed.

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2282

STILL NEWISH! H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/