Volume 42, Issue 52 | April 15, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2279	29 April	Sir Eve	TBA
2280	6 May	Hare required
2281	13 May	Hare required
2282	20 May	Hare required

UP AND CUMMING

24 June 2024 | Combined Clubs Charity Run in support of Gynaecological Cancer Research
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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The end is nigh. The last regular trail before the giddy chaos that is the Annual General P!ss Up, where the last photo will be blurred, the last payment declined try again, and the last gross fabrication massaged into an inconvenient truth, all courtesy of a weary but vaguely-competent H5 2023-24 Mismanagement.

Almost in celebration, the ‘back room’ of the Prince of Wales was heaving with heavy Hasher flesh. Can’t remembers and visitors almost outnumbered the regulars, most notably The Goose and Blue Heeler escaping the unpalatable northern climes, and Gov’nor Honkers’ extended clan of five, including Viper, Death Adder, Copperhead and his real no this time we we really mean it real niece, Jill.

Cracker climbed a chair so that she could address the Pack, eye-to-nipple, declaring this to be a sh_rt trail, but with scenic vistas. Perhaps it was scenic when she and the good Contessa were setting trail, but we glanced down at our torches and coughed ‘bullsh!t’.

As we filed out of the pub we were optically assaulted by Coupla Weeks; the brutal flash of her camera destroying any semblance of night vision. (This may explain why Johnny Fuckacarcass was crossing the road hand-in-hand with Scary. Then again, we don’t judge…)

Having received assurances from the Hares of ‘no hills’, there was reasonable scepticism when trail soon headed down Napoleon Street, but front mincing bastard In The Raw had ceded elevation and was still calling ‘on’.

Still calling ‘on’ when he found the expected FT.

Still calling ‘on’ while stealthily retracing his steps.

Trail looped around the two reserves that run down to the Derwent, which were tackled by the majority of the Pack with a sense of duty, rather than being ‘tricked’ into travelling the additional distance. ITR had no such sense of duty, and straight-lined both.

Helpfully, the Hares had marked where one of the scenic vistas was, although we failed to see how either of the Hares could have seen anything of note over a six-foot high fence. (JFC did earlier comment about an Insta-worthy view of a blue-lit Tasman Bridge, spoiled by something large in front of it. He may have been alluding to a vessel moored at Princes Wharf, but in all likelihood he was referring to Grizzly’s arse.)

After a loop of Parliament Gardens (with ITR and Triple K now in ‘Poley mode’ lest anyone following them Hash the guts out of trail – as both of them had done earlier) we completed the circuit by heading back down Hampden Road for a modest 3.8km trail. The H5 paparazzi – Steptoe and Coupla Weeks – again ambushed us, blinding the Pack and sending Hashers careening into strategically-placed poles and garbage bins.

The normally efficient PoW kitchen and front of house staff were tested by both numbers and technology, with many Hashers pouncing upon stray chips to stave off the hunger. Prickit was almost in tears when her meal arrived, only to realise that it wasn’t what she had ordered. By that stage Prickit would have eaten one of Can’t Stop’s jock straps, as long as it came with gravy.

The Lips were obviously running on fumes, spilling beer with gay abandon and making the skol table stickier than a teenage boy’s ‘spare sock’, then hitting ‘skols from the floor’ in near record time.

On! On! Grizzly

Spot the difference:

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SKOLS

• Contessa Coupla Weeks and Cracker – short Hares.
• Jill – H5 virgin.
• Crotch Thumper – departing visitor and singer of the ‘Mansplaining Song’ (although she didn’t sing it right…)
• Blue Heeler, The Goose, Copperhead, Death Adder, Viper, Dishlicker, Johnny Fuckacarcass, Rotten, Steady Eddie – can’t remembers.

• Grizzly – manufactured skol just so that Cracker’s opus could be trotted out.
• In The Raw – ‘winner’ of yet another six-pack of beer courtesy of JFC and an incompetent Hawthorn FC.
• Grassroots – 125 Run millstone.
• Rotten – 25 Run millstone.
• Gingernuts and Arsecutter – Hashy birthday far queues.
• …and other skols I didn’t write down.

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2277

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple-K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/