Volume 42, Issue 50 | April 1, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2277	15 April	Hare required
2278	22 April	The JMs – AGPU	See flyer
2279	29 April	Hare required
2280	6 May	Hare required

UP AND CUMMING

28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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April Fool’s Day. That one day of the year when you are bombarded with extraordinary claims seeking to get a reaction, before you realise (or are told) that you were the April Fool.

Except now it’s not just the one day.

Lose 14kg by doing this for just ten minutes a day! (That rules out wanking…) You’ll be amazed at how Omar Sherif looks now! (Pretty much like the contents of my vacuum cleaner, I expect.) Amazing health benefits from eating goat testes! (Not so good for the goat, that one).

So, when it was reported that Lone Arranger would be setting trail on April 1, most saw through the ruse. There’s ‘form’. Sure, LA puts her hand up to set trail quite frequently; it’s more a case of where she is putting her hand up.

Easter Monday is typically a low-key Hash day, which when added to the prospect of a non-flat trail gave us the formula for a ‘modest-sized’ Pack. This was to be buoyed by the inclusion of H4 tranferee, Dog Shit and his carer (but nominally H5 regular) Sugar Babe.

Instructions were brief – delivered with confidence by a Hare who had actually set the trail – setting the runners up the laneway and the walkers over the road onto the. Suncoast Track. There was a ‘stay behind for special instructions’, which I suspect was code for ‘I’ll crack open another bottle of bubbles’.

The first part of trail incorporated a scenic view of the Blackmans Bay export poo farm, where one of Grizzly’s more athletic turds was swimming for Australia before being pumped over to enrich the lives of those unfortunate soles over at South Arm.

There was a bush loop (known locally as ‘the bush loop’ and signposted as such), which was virgin territory for all other than Cracker, who decided to Hash the guts out of trail and take part in ‘special instructions’. Incumming and Magic Touch were the last out of the bush loop and well behind the disappearing Pack, perhaps finding out the other name locals have for that particular area.

Around behind the Scout Hall – not for the first time for some – then up toward Peter Murrell Reserve. Quite a bit of up.

More up than most cared for.

As this was in the dying gasp of the daylight savings period, things got murky, quickly. There were warnings of ‘bring a torch’, but most seemed to subscribe to the In The Raw school of ‘you don’t need a torch’, and the runners were now navigating a root-strewn route in near darkness. The kick-in-the-crotch that was a check on Brightwater Road was unnecessary, as much as it was satisfying for the Hare.

As trail had returned via the runners’ outward trail, the Hare had left marking ‘on home’ until the runners had passed, but the onerous duties required by ‘special instructions’ meant that that particular task wasn’t properly ‘delegated’ until too late, meaning that Bee’s Dick had come back through and was now on his second lap of the trail.

If Hashers had thought the trail to be crap, I’m sure that Lone Arranger would have deflected any blame to her ‘consultant’, but in any case had prepared a pot of spuds and some apple crumble to assuage any calls of ‘shitty trail’. As it was, the trail seemed well received by all, especially those who enjoyed ‘special instructions’.

The on on featured the first appearance of Charmaster 0.5, a self-cremating barbecue grill made from cardboard and wooden dowel, located on Temu by Mr Bean. Surely such a ridiculous contraption would be about as successful as self-immolating underwear.

And it was. Sure, the Bean burgers were cooked, but they had a faint taste of jock strap about them.

On! On! Grizzly

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SKOLS

• Lone Arranger – Hare. No April Fool!
• Incumming and Magic Touch – getting ‘lost’ together in the bush loop.
• Dog Shit, Incumming, Prickit, Raven Rooter and Sugar Babe – can’t remembers.
• Can’t Stop, Miss Bling and Mr Bean – far cough yak hunters.
• Cracker – didn’t need ‘special instructions’ because she ‘knows the area’, and ended up Hashing the guts out of trail.

• Mr Bean – in competition with Charmaster 5000.
• Sir Eve – Eve’s father (does that make him ‘God’?) celebrated 90th birthday.
• Brazilian and Clearfell – spent a lot of money fixing Brazilian’s pussy.
• Lone Arranger – woke up on Sunday and wondered why there was a dildo on her bedside table (it was an Easter rabbit chocolate).
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2275

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple-K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/