Volume 42, Issue 22 | September 18, 2023

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RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2247	2 Oct	Her Highness Eager	TBA
2248 2249	7 Okt 8 Okt	OKTOBERFEST	Fox and Hounds, Port Arthur
2250	9 Oct	Hare needed!	TBA
2251	16 Oct	Gingernuts	Mt Stuart

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UP AND CUMMING

6-8 Oktober | H5 Oktoberfest 2023 @ Fox and Hounds Hotel, Port Arthur
25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

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RUN REPORT

Normally, a Hash trail from the RYCT would see us slumping around outside with inmates from the H4 Maximum Security Nursing Home. Not tonight! Tonight we were ushered into a private area with cutlery not made of plastic, and shown our own specials board, which included such delicacies as Grizzly‘s Arse Cheeks, Arsecutter‘s Hunk ‘o Beef and Prawn Star‘s It’s a Small Shrimp After All Salad.

Most thought this to be a special touch by the host Hare, but members of the champion H5 Trivia Team – who frequent the Royal each Tuesday night – were very familiar with specials like Snack Bar‘s tomato soup (basically a big bowl of tomato sauce), Honkers‘ bang-her on mash, Jerk Off‘s pork tenderloin with special sauce, and my personal desert favourite, Growler‘s jelly mounds.

The host also extended the bar’s happy hour, which turned into very happy hour, then euphoric hour, all the way to ‘we luv you Dish Shlicker’ delirium hour. (Mind you, Steady Eddie still asked for a Seniors’ discount.)

The loss of the EFTPOS option was being felt. Many presented themselves with card or watch akimbo, only to realise that in the place of a white plastic square sat a sad pile of grubby notes, and an even sadder Hash Cashier.

Unsurprisingly, the majority of Hashers tendered notes of orange or green, as that’s all you can get out of those archaic cash dispensing machines. The supply of Queens and Banjos was disappearing quicker than stout out of the Esky at a p!ss stop.

The Pack was set free on trail, but I still had half a pint of very reasonably priced beer to finish and was – not for the first time – last out the door by the length of several hundred of Cracker laid end-to-end. Joining me as ‘tail-end Charlie’ was Incumming, as we set our sights on a disppearing Nancy Boy and Platypussy heading through the University.

Striding purposefully, we followed trail that seemed to have been drawn by an infinite number of monkeys, swapping sides of the path, size and girth, but pleasingly using the proper H5 arrows. This made it much easier to distinguish between true trail and NBN graffitti.

I’ve wondered how it is that Incumming so often seems to find himself off trail and out for much longer that everyone else. I now have a much clearer picture, as he suddenly selected a random laneway to head down, in preference to the clearly marked trail ahead.

Nevertheless, my inate sense of direction (and a modicum of prior knowledge) suggested to me that all roads would lead to roam*, so I tucked into his slipstream.

* Yes, I know that’s not how it goes.

“I thought that we would have caught up with Steady Eddie by now”, commented Incumming. ‘We may well might have, had we followed trail’, I thought.

Soon after, we did catch up with the ‘walking dread’ group of Steady Eddie, Nancy Boy, Platypussy and Steptoe, strolling through the historic part of Sandy Bay. I know that it was historic because Steady was providing ‘fascinating’ insight about some of the properties he was passing.

Even though there was no one around him to be on the receiving end.

Trail passed by the house of Yes Please, which was enough of a hint for Kangaroo to bail. The yoof of today, eh? (Just Kidding had the same idea, but Kharma had locked the door to protect the contents of his beer fridge. Again.)

I managed to pass Nancy-Puss for the second time, which I found somewhat mystifying as trail didn’t deviate all that much from the straightest possible route. Proximity to the Lynton Avenue hill climb did raise the anxiety levels, but the Hare heeded the bad press of late and kept us on an even keel. Quite appropriate.

True trail continued down King Street, but I used my rugby experience to straightline to the cornerpost by cutting down Pillinger Street, and caught up with the phalanx of the walking pack. [Quite unlike my rugby days where, by the time I’d reached the corner post, the opposition had scored the try, taken the conversion and returned to the halfway line.]

What devilry is this? Up ahead was Nancy Boy and Platypussy. If these two Hashers were racehorses, they’d be swabbed.

They’d also be short two legs each.

Sir Eve popped into the Fitzroy Garden public amenities for a ‘splash and dash’, but had fogotten to stop calling trail. The resultant crush of bodies inside was both embarrassing and enlightening for all concerned.

Hare Dishlicker had let slip that there was a trail split at ‘Snives’, so when we hit Sandy Bay Road well south of that divergence there was a crisis of conscience. Do we follow trail away from the very reasonably-priced beer, or do we evoke one of the unwritten rules of Hash, ‘                              ‘*?

Had it been one of the more experienced Hares, we would have made a beeline for the bar, but as this was a virgin trail, we pulled down our big boy pants, bent over, and took one for the team.

* If in sight of the ‘bucket’, you can Hash home

Heading down Nanny Goat Lane I was passed by Rigor Mortis, with all the enthusiasm and lack of commonsense of youth. There was much less enthusiasm when she hit the FT, and had to make the walk of shame back up past those she mocked on the way down.

Well done to Dishlicker and his entourage; excellent first up effort.

Congratulations to Bee’s Dick for reaching his 25 Run milstone without missing a week. (A feat only bettered by Eve, who reached his 25 Run milestone after just 19 runs.)

On! On!
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• Dishlicker – Hare.
• Pole Dancer – Hashy 60th birthday, FU!
• Sir Eve – luring Hashers ino a public toilet.
• Snack Bar – forgot the skolling cups. Again.
• Rigor Mortis, Hands On, Johnny Fuckacarcass, Rotten and Silent But Deadly – can’t remembers,
• Grassroots – losing some kids on the beach. ‘Uncle Steady’ had to rescue them. (Not suss at all…)
• Arsecutter and Prawn Star – Prawn Star and Wet Spot (PS’s wife) were going full grope at a recent concert. Grassroots said to Arsecutter ‘why don’t you do that?’ (Arsecutter didn’t think it appropriate as he barely knows Wet Spot.)

• Steptoe – went to the Pro Hart school of house painting. More paint on her than on the walls.
• Johnny Fuckacarcass and Rotten – didn’t do much trail, but got their exercise while pashing in the corner.
• Growler – announcing H5’s donation of $200 to Hands On’s sore taint ride for Parkinsons.
• Bee’s Dick – 25 Run milestone!
• Rigor Mortis – 100 Run milestone!
• Grizzly – 700 Run milestone!
• Steady Eddie and Wobbly Boot – both wore Wallaby rugby jerseys last week, but Steady jumped ship to Fiji after that morning’s World Cup result.
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2245

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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To donate to Hands On‘s fundraising effort,
use the QR code above, or click this link.

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/