Volume 42, Issue 21 | September 11, 2023
NEXT RUN | 18 September 2023
Run 2245 from Royal Yacht Club of Tasmania, Marieville Esplanade, Sandy Bay
Hare: Dishlicker
Cost $5 – buy your own food and drink at the venue
RECEDING HARELINE
| Run No. | Date | Hare Apparent | On On |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2246 | 25 Sep | Snack Bar Gnome Memorial Run | Talbot Hotel, New Town |
| 2247 | 2 Oct | Her Highness Eager | TBA |
| 2248 2249 | 7 Okt 8 Okt | OKTOBERFEST | Fox and Hounds, Port Arthur |
| 2250 | 9 Oct | Hare needed! | TBA |
| 2251 | 16 Oct | Gingernuts | Mt Stuart |
KEEPING THE BASTARDS HONEST
Hares in 2023-24. Make sure that your name appears on this list at least once! (Twice if you’re a Co-Hare)
- Arsecutter
- Bad News (2*)
- Can’t Stop
- Coupla Weeks
- Eager
- Eve
- Grassroots
- Grizzly (2)
- Honkers
- In the Raw
- KKK
- Limp
- Next Week (2)
- Pole Dancer
- Prawn Star
- Prickit*
- Rigor Mortis
- Robin Hood (2*)
- Sonar*
- Snack Bar*
- Ted Bullpit
- Thrill Seeker
- W3 (2*)
* Co-Hared trail
UP AND CUMMING
6-8 Oktober | H5 Oktoberfest 2023 @ Fox and Hounds Hotel, Port Arthur
25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
RUN REPORT
Having done battle all week with the faceless bots at Square Australia, I suggested to the Joint Masters that we make this week a ‘free run’. (See H5 v Square, below.)
“Congratulations! You’ve won first division in Tattslotto!”
“Why?”
“Have a free mocha skinny latte on us!”
“Did you forget to bring the Square?”
“We’re giving you a month off your Only Fans subscription!”
“I can pay cash if you like.”
If I had my time over, I’d just have the stupid shitty square plastic thing sitting on the table and make a ‘bing’ noise when they waved their card/phone/watch/Medicare card over it, just so I WOULDN’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY I WASN’T TAKING $5 OFF THEM.
The only Hasher to not make a fuss about NOT paying was Bad News!
Out the front of the pub, Hare Pole Dancer delivered the chalk talk, and gave us strict instructions to be back by 7:15. ‘Righto’ thought some, then disappeared back into the bar, job done.
For most, we headed down Derwent Park Road, before climbing up Swanston Street. Call it mental conditioning if you like, but after weeks of hills (from various clubs’ trails) this one seemed tame.
Until you got half way up, then you needed to stop to ‘admire the view’.
By design or by accident, the trail never strayed too far from the Hotel, getting into a rhythm around the Ogilvie Campus, increasing the tempo around the quiet and quaint areas of New Town, before finishing off with a thrust and clean up using a manky odd sock on the northern side of the Main Road.
Yes, this was the ‘quick root’ of Hash trails.
Yet, it ticked so many boxes. Clear and well marked trail, FTs to keep the Packs together (those that had left the pub, anyways), the thrill of picking the right direction after a good number of checks, and it was FLAT (Mount Swanston, notwithstanding).
Sugar Babe was quite effusive. “If all H5 trails are like this, I might have to forego ‘Monday sex fantasy night’ and come back to Hash!”
(This came as quite a shock to Dogshit, who is normally out on a Monday night with H4 and wasn’t aware that Monday was ‘sex fantasy night’.)
After meals, we were left to the tender mercy of solo Lip Snack Bar. Without his personal assistant, TicToc, Snacky was reduced to doing Scott Morrision impressions, repeating ‘How good was that trail?’
With a shorter trail and even shorter Circle, we had vacated the Hotel before 8:30! Perhaps even time to fit in Hash AND sex fantasy Monday!
On! On!
Grizzly
SKOLS
- Pole Dancer – Hare.
- Sonar and Grizzly – their footy teams bowed out over the weekend (which was two weeks later than the likes of North Melbourne, Hawthorn or Geelong!)
- Mother of Pearl – 275 Runs!
- Pole Dancer – 850 Runs!
- Blah Blah Blah – tried to convince those within earshot (most of New Town) that her Hash name had nothing to do with her talking too much.
- The naming of Dave, now known as Wobbly Boot based on him wearing a Wallabies (aka Wobblies) jersey from the 2003 Rugby World Cup, in which Australia lost to England at the boot of Jonny Wilkinson.
- Lord Limp – forgot his running shoes, again!
- Gingernuts, Last Post and Sugar Babe – can’t remembers.
- Grassroots – Hashy birthday, f*ck you!
- Thrill Seeker – record early arrival at Hash. (Would have arrived earlier but was shopping for some leg opener at Dan’s.)
- …and other skols I forgot to write down.
H5 vs SQUARE
Square: We take financial security very seriously, and we don’t like the cut of your jib. Answer these questions so that we can conduct a full review. We will be holding onto your undisbursed funds until we’re happy.
H5: You’ve got to be sh!tting me.
S: We take financial security very seriously, and we don’t sh!t.
H: (FFS). Okay. I’ve answered your seven required questions.
S: Thank you – we’ll respond within three business days.
Four days later…
H: Oi! What happened to ‘within three days’?
S: Yes, well, you didn’t answer all the questions.
H: I answered the seven required questions.
S: Yes, but you didn’t answer the five optional questions.
H: Aren’t they optional?
S: Yes, but we require you to answer the optional questions.
H: You’ve got to be sh!tting me.
S: We take financial security very seriously, and we don’t sh!t.
H: But we don’t have a LinkedIn account.
S: Well, answer ‘N/A’.
H: How is that different to leaving the OPTIONAL question blank?
S: ‘N/A’ is an answer.
H: Okay, I’ve answered ‘N/A’ to the OPTIONAL questions.
S: Thank you – we’ll respond within three business days.
H: But your website says ‘within one business day’.
S: … that’s optional.
HASH FLASH
Link to all photos for Run 2244
H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24
| Grand Master | Triple K | |
| Joint Masters | Growler Sonar | 0412 161 017 0488 707 068 |
| On Sec (poxy) | Grizzly | 0419 960 561 |
| Hash Cash | Dishlicker Mother of Pearl | 0408 994 427 |
| Hash Lips | Snack Bar TicToc | |
| Hash Hops | Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve | |
| Trailmaster | Fringe Benefits | |
| Hash Flash | Steptoe | |
| Hash Horn | Fallen Madonna | |
| Hashet Manager | Viagra | 0419 504 105 |
To donate to Hands On‘s fundraising effort,
use the QR code above, or click this link.
Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com
Hobart Hash House Harriers and Harriettes 
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