Volume 42, Issue 20 | September 4, 2023

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RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2245	18 Sep	Dishlicker	Royal Yacht Club of Tasmania
2246	25 Sep	Snack Bar Gnome Memorial Run	Talbot Hotel, New Town

2247	2 Oct	Her Highness Eager	TBA
2248 2249	7 Okt 8 Okt	OKTOBERFEST	Fox and Hounds, Port Arthur
2250	9 Oct	Hare needed!	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

6-8 Oktober | H5 Oktoberfest 2023 @ Fox and Hounds Hotel, Port Arthur
25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

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RUN REPORT

Cracker approached the car, wrestling with what appeared to be a large hazmat suit.

“I had a look at the sky and figured that it’s going to rain”, Cracker said in response to my unasked question.

Sure enough, the sky had turned ‘sex in the back of a concrete mixer bruise’ purple, and the air had the taste of tinned tomatoes*. Certainly looked like rain.

EXCEPT, IT NEVER RAINS ON A HASH TRAIL!

“Bullshit”, was the response.

* The home brand type of tinned tomatoes that are red and tomato-shaped, but taste not much like tomatoes and very much like tin.

We assumed our regular corner of the Hotel dining room, ordered our meal and pre-hydrated in anticipation. The arrival of Thrill Seeker had everyone checking their watches (or in Jerk Off‘s case, pretending to check his watch because he doesn’t wear one, nor can read the time). There was still 10 minutes before ‘on’ would be called! Thrill Seeker filled the time trying to get his Medicare card to work on the white Square device.

In the game of H5 ‘late chicken’, Bee’s Dick looked to claim the boiled lollies with a 6:29 appearance, but was to be upstaged by Big Mac, who was still wandering the streets looking for the right pub (despite working just down the road).

Hare Next Week fronted up and announced that tonight’s trail was a ‘sprint’, then went on to explain that this sprint had no…

“…hills”, the pack added hopefully – if not prematurely – while casting serious side eye at Snack Bar.

I expect that what the Hare was going to say was something like ‘fluffy bits’, but read the mood of the Pack and went with the popular decision.

Out the door (wave to Big Mac, who was still trying to get hold of Bee’s Dick) and the starter’s gun fired. Unfortunately, the firing of the pistol caused a small rupture in a passing cloud’s perineum, resulting in three or four drops of moisture to fall on serial whiners Cracker and In The Raw. The over-acting would have shamed even Neymar on his worst day.

Local traffic did it’s best to keep the Pack together, but once we hit Albura Street it was all Usain Bolt versus the Belgian hurdling shot-putter.

South Hobart still has much the same footprint as it did in its colonial heyday – with narrow streets and laneways aplenty – and makes for good Hash trail options, but an Olympic 100m running track has no 90 degree corners, and they didn’t really feature in Next Week‘s sprint either. (More’s the pity – how exciting would be to watch the world’s best sprinters sprint in a maze?)

Even the Hare’s ‘no hills’ (non-core) promise evaporated as we were sent up Lynton Avenue. In my head I began to trawl through the unused epithets for Snack Bar, but by the time I settled on ‘p!ss bucket sediment’ the hill climb was over, so I won’t get to use it.

Bad News passed me like I was standing still – probably because I was standing still – and down at the base of the climb I could hear Cracker still complaining about her wet spot. I strode down Macquarie Street alone, noticing the lack of effort put in by local businesses in establishing their brand – Mark on Macquarie, Antiques on Macquarie, Proctologists on Macquarie…

As I passed Gore Street I heard ‘orn orn’ and saw a torchlight bobbing in the distance. I could tell from my immediate boner that I had caught the sex-laced call of Thrill Seeker.

“Chocolate rainbows tickle moonlit platypuses”, I think he said, breathlessly as he ran past.

“I think you’re right”, I responded hopefully.

Sure enough, moonlit platypuses in the forms of TicToc and Magic Touch could be heard, meaning that they were probably still a kilometre behind me. As we turned into Hampden Road I could hear TicToc‘s words of encouragement; “Come on, Magic Touch! You’re doing really well. Let’s keep going and get past that fat bastard ahead!” (Say what you will about TicToc, but she’s got great night vision because I could barely make out In The Raw in the distance.)

It was a solid 5.5km walk; not one of the classic sprint distances, nor one of the great Hash trails. Definitely one for the runners.

On! On!
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• Next Week – Hare. A simple trail for simple people.
• Thrill Seeker – Tried to pay using his Medicare card.
• TTTK (I think the Lip was trying to write down the other version of ‘Triple K‘) – Far cough yak hunt to Nu Zillund.
• Snack Bar – Nominated Sonar as a c*untry member, forgetting that Sonar was Hare last week and that he was Sonar’s Co-Hare!
• TopDek – Was able to name Jack Jumpers basketball players in a photo, but didn’t recognise fellow Hasher Blah Blah Blah.

• Bee’s Dick – On the phone for the first part of the run and left Big Mac wandering around K and D.
• Big Mac – Late again; demarcation dispute with Thrill Seeker.
• Sonar and Honkers – New shoes.
• Thrill Seeker – sexy accent sound-off with French bar staff.
• Magic Touch – Frog marched around the whole runners’ trail by TicToc so that she could get her steps in.
• Dave – Missed his virgin skol the previous week; then skolled again because he had jumped the gun.
• Snack Bar – Beached the ute trying to leave Waterworks.
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2243

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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use the QR code above, or click this link.

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/