Volume 42, Issue 18 | August 21, 2023

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RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2243	4 Sep	Next Week	TBA
2244	11 Sep	Pole Dancer	TBA
2245	18 Sep	Dishlicker	TBA
2246	25 Sep	Snack Bar Gnome Memorial Run	Talbot Hotel, New Town

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UP AND CUMMING

2 September | Posh Hash Posh Ball @ Bellerive Yacht Club
6-8 Oktober | H5 Oktoberfest 2023 @ Fox and Hounds Hotel, Port Arthur
25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

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RUN REPORT

Something seemed different as we rolled up for a Midway Point Hash trail.

‘Interesting’ car parking – check.

Industrial-strength lighting that warranted the wearing of sunglasses indoors – check.

Surly bar staff completely uninterested in recording Hash names for meal orders – check.

Then it hit me (or rather, it didn’t hit me); it was a mild and still evening. Even though it had occurred at that other club, I had been scarred for life by a previous trail from Midway Point at which the Pack was battered by gale force winds and sheeting ice. (Note: ice is not rain!)

Another good roll up, bolstered by Unstoppable and Gotta Lotta Bottle from Adelaide, and Kwandom, sort of but not quite from Launceston. I’d count Scary and Tight Spotty Bits as visitors, but they’re sort of more the weird cousins that pop in and end up overstaying for for a few nights/weeks.

The r*n got off to a chaotic start, with the Pack taking off in a totally different direction to the Hare’s starting instructions. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea for Bad News to give the ‘chalk talk’ and expect anyone to understand what he’d said.

Being the supreme athlete that I am, I again gave the Pack a healthy head start (followed by a shoulder start and probably an upper torso start). By the time I set off, the firefly trail of torches had well and truly bugged out.

Trail was well marked – even though the Hares persisted with their ‘birdshit’ dribble dropper – so I wasn’t afraid (except of anacondas and Bitcoin, neither of which seemed likely).

Interlude
(French for padding things out when you don’t have enough material)

Why does it appear that Clarence Council has hard rubbish collection every other month? Every second or third house seemed to have erected their own monument to unchecked consumerism.

Unwanted item du jour seemed to be air fryers. Did their owners suddenly become aware of healthier meal options, or did the pans become so caked in fat that they could no longer fit in a couple of chicken nugs and a handful of chips?

I opted for the latter, as I sat on a conveniently-placed faux Chesterfield, in good nick except for a missing leg and being slightly damp. I suspect from the faint, sulphurous odour that followed me that the owner may have been a cat owner.

Or incontinent.

End interlude

I resumed my stroll at pace, and finally caught up with Magic Touch. When I say ‘caught’, I really mean that she was walking back towards me.

Yes, I used the same line last week. Get over it.

Having established that one of us was lost, we spotted a torch bearer heading around a corner ahead of us. Magic Touch took off like a cat that had worked out that treats + carrier = vet. I bet the local dog walker got a surprise to see Magic bearing down on them.

I resumed my journey alone, navigating by stars – and the booming ‘on on’ calls of Sir Eve and In The Raw – and finally caught up with the walking Pack.

Just in time to hit an FT.

We shuffled around for a bit, until Eve found true trail, and because I hadn’t really been on trail all that much, I decided to maintain the high ground and Hash just a bit more, this time dragging a few others with me. We seemed to be walking in circles around Flyway Park, until In The Raw proclaimed that trail must head down Honolulu Street, and set off.

It didn’t. (If Captain Cook had navigation skills like that he’d have missed Tahiti the second time around and might still be alive today!)

As the true believers sloshed around the foreshore, the splitters finally conceded altitude and dropped down on to Penna Road and onto the trail home, proudly calling ‘on’ as if we’d solved one of life’s great mysteries, instead of stumbling upon birdshit flour.

Soon after I could hear the booming steps of Pole Dancer, followed by the more subtle footfall of Hamburglar. I didn’t hear Kwandom until after he had passed, as he was clearly running faster than the speed of sound in pursuit. It’s not a race, but Kwandom was clearly intent on getting the first beer.

There was a final sting in the trail – heading back down to the foreshore, then up another hill back on to Penna Road – but only the stupid and those who felt guilty about Hashing the guts out of the trail bothered to follow.

The Pack returned to the pub in dribs and drabs, the drabbiest being our Adelaide visitors, Unstoppable and GLB, who were ‘assisted’ by H5 expert tracker, Snack Bar. (Could have been worse – it could have been Thrill Seeker.)

Consensus of the Pack was that it was the Hares’ best Midway Point effort to date. I’d like to agree, but I’m not entirely qualified to do so.

On! On!
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• Robin Hood, Wee Willie Winkie and Bad News – Hares.
• Growler, Hamburglar, Just Kidding, Scary, Tight Spot, Wee Bev – can’t remembers.
• Unstoppable and Gotta Lotta Bottle [Adelaide] and Kwandom [Launceston, sort of] – visitors.

• Lord Limp – needed two parking spaces.
• TicToc – 125 Runs!
• Scary – 25 Runs!
• Arsecutter – called out ‘that’s me’ when the wait staff had a meal for ‘Barb’. (Cashing in on Barbie movie fame?)
• Prickit – ordered the biggest meal, but couldn’t finish it.
• Prickit and Can’t Stop – far cough yak hunts; heading overseas for a ‘wine marathon’.
• Can’t Stop – had an operation on his knee on Friday, then decided to do a ‘short walk’ up kunyani on the Saturday. When it came time to return, found the downhill too hard, so kept going uphill. Then called Prickit to collect him from the top.
• Tight Spot – upended all the furniture looking for her magnetic keys; they were just sitting on the table.
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2241

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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