Volume 42, Issue 17 | August 14, 2023

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RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2242	28 Aug	Sonar	Moonah Hotel
2243	4 Sep	Next Week	TBA
2244	11 Sep	Hare needed!	TBA
2245	18 Sep	Pole Dancer	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

2 September | Posh Hash Posh Ball @ Bellerive Yacht Club
6-8 Oktober | H5 Oktoberfest 2023 @ Fox and Hounds Hotel, Port Arthur
25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

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RUN REPORT

It was like a clown car circus act in reverse, as the small function room of the ‘Buff’ started to fill with assorted buffoons. Even when filled to the point that the car’s gear stick was putting a smile on Triple K‘s face, there were still the usual late bozos to climb in.

It’s always nice when the staff at a venue have a smile when entering orders with names like Prawn Star or Jerk Off, rather than looking like they’ve just trod in dog shit. There are even little gems that come from misheard names, such as our recently discovered rap star, MC Sweet (better known to us as Next Week). Helping to fill out the room were Power Pumper and Chuckie (another case of mainlanders coming in and taking all our land) and virgin Rod.

Hare Grassroots – through her mouthpiece, Arsecutter – set the Pack off with promise of well-marked trail. Well-marked indeed, as every Hash club within the greater Hobart district had turned the streetscape into a floured Jackson Pollock. That said, the arrows were still fresh and distinct enough to not cause any confusion (for Hashers are confused enough).

As we left, Quarter Pounder and Magic Touch arrived to see the clowns departing. Every time they thought it clear to enter, another pasty-faced fool popped up to block their way.

By the time that I had processed the late-comers, and waited for the late-late-comers (aka Thrill Seeker) the Pack had disappeared into the distance. Having lived in the area for some years, I was nervous about wandering those streets alone. Never fear! Magic Touch is a black belt in habeas corpus and had agreed to escort me. What a champ!

Even starting well behind, I felt confident that we’d soon be able hear Steady Eddie providing a blow-by-blow account of his latest ‘twitching’ exploits – spotting a big breasted mattress thrasher from his hide on Bruny Island, no doubt. As it happened, it wasn’t until Tower Hotel that we’d caught someone – the bionic Hasher, Cracker. When I say ‘caught’, I really mean that she was walking back towards us as her knee was telling her that it was time for a grease and oil change.

As the walking Pack passed Growler‘s house, Yes Please felt it appropriate to call her out for not being on trail. As commanding Yes Please‘s voice may be, I suspect that Growler remained unconcerned as she supped her tenth margarita for the night on Norfolk Island (or whatever one drinks when visiting NI).

My decision to appoint Magic Touch as my personal protector seemed ready to pay dividends as a suspicious-looking stalker was following us. Wherever we turned, the stalker followed, and Magic was poised to go all animus contrahendi on their arse, but it turned out to be Incoming, in his standard Hashing state of ‘hopelessly lost’.

The only other sole we saw on trail was Prickit. I thought that she might be leading the runners’ Pack, but no. Heading toward the overpass we found the dog shit usually sniffed out by venue wait staff. It seems that the Arsecutter – on behalf of the Hare – had laid trail over a large steamer, which was then picked up and spread by all and sundry.

We ignored a couple of the late FTs in favour of following Magic Touch‘s previous GPS journey, eventually making our way back to the packed dining area.

I thought that we were the last to return, but hadn’t counted on a fleeting appearance from Thrill Seeker – dressed like some cut-price masked super hero – who had figured that social distancing wouldn’t be an option and wasn’t prepared to share his lurgy of the week. Selfish bastard.

Yes, I did mean to write ‘sole’ earlier. Work it out.

The circle featured yet another new song – this time ‘featuring’ yours truly and a fart. Clearly a work of fiction. Even so, having your own down down song is like getting a star on the H5 walk of fame, so I was suitably chuffed (even though song writer Cracker declared it to be ‘pearls before swine’).

On! On!
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• Grassroots, erm, Arsecutter – Hare.
• Beer F*cker, Chuckie, Crackrer, Fat Controller (missed one week, WTF?!?), Jerk Off, Twice Cumming – c*untry members.
• Just Rod – Hashing virgin.

• Magic Touch – late to the r*n because she was following GPS directions that were taking her via New Town.
• Yes Please in absentia – yelling out to Growler as they passed her house. (Needed to yell a lot louder as she’s currently on Norfolk Island.)
• Prawn Star – made poor Stunned Mullet pay for tonight’s meals (never mind that Mullet pinched his dad’s card to do it).
• Cracker – giving advice to Can’t Stop about her experiences with the new bionic knee. Pearls before swine – Can’t Stop will be back running within two weeks.

• Grizzly – farting in the car, then blaming Leo. Ridiculous pretense to launch into a new song.
• Lord Limp – leading TicToc astray. Probably trying to ‘shake her off’ to give his ears a rest.
• Next Week – new crap star (the ‘c’ is silent) MC Sweet.
• Steady Eddie – senior’s moment. Ordered the ‘seniors’ meal’, but when it came he said ‘I didn’t order that’. He did.
• Lone Arranger – fancied someone else’s sausage. Grizzly slaved over a hot stove the previous night to cook her ‘bangers and mash’ (at LA’s bidding), said it was rubbish, then ordered the same thing tonight.
• Bee’s Dick – poor Magic Touch was running to get to Hash on time, only to see Bee’s Dick drive by without even slowing down to offer a ride.
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2240

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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use the QR code above, or click this link.

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/