Volume 42, Issue 15 | July 31, 2023

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2240	14 Aug	Grassroots	Black Buffalo Hotel, New Town
2241	21 Aug	Hare needed!	TBA
2242	28 Aug	Hare needed!	TBA
2243	4 Sep	Hare needed!	TBA

UP AND CUMMING

2 September | Posh Hash Posh Ball @ Bellerive Yacht Club
6-8 Oktober | H5 Oktoberfest 2023 @ Fox and Hounds Hotel, Port Arthur
25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

RUN REPORT

The last time the Gov’nor set trail, he put the entire Hobart traffic system into gridlock. Only a handful of hardy souls made it to the start, and three of them were visitors! Shirley, this time would be different.

…and it was!

Different in the same way that the Hindenburg disaster was different to the eruption of Krakatoa.

Tasmania’s winter of discount tents continued, with calm bright skies interchanging with squalls and gale-force winds throughout the day. This was enough to dissuade many from venturing out, leaving a pack of 20 to pull up their big girl pants and face the elements.

It goes without saying that I was greeted by village idiot – In The Raw – brandishing his military-grade flak jacket to protect him from the imaginary tempest. It also goes without saying the he wouldn’t need it, but I ‘said’ it anyway. 

Hare Honkers tried to talk up the trail, conceding that some of it may have been lost to the elements, but that he’d laid plenty and it should be okay. With misplaced confidence, the Pack headed out.

Within two minutes, every phone at Hash HQ was ringing off the hook. Honkers – ever at the second row of the forefront of technology – had his phone wired to his ears, and quickly responded to Contessa Coupla Weeks.

“Hello? Hello? You must be doing something wrong I can hardly hear you!”

Yes, Honkers had his phone wired to his ears but had answered using his new watch, which was now broadcasting CW‘s distress call to everyone in the pub.

Thankfully, I was still old school (even if it was still kindergarten) and was able to relay a message from Lone Arranger that trail was lost at the first corner. After some further instructions the Pack was again underway, dipping into Dynnyrne before heading back toward South Hobart.

Crossing Fitzroy Gardens, the Pack was assaulted by the righteous indignation of a hundred thousand climate change deniers, all funneled into a column of air that stopped everyone in their tracks. CW looked around for Grizzly to use as a windbreak, realised that he was back at HQ, then snuck in behind Yes Please as the next best thing. (Yet another case of a woman taking a fat man’s job.)

The tracking skills of the front runners gave out at the northern end of the Southern Outlet (well, it wouldn’t be the southern end, would it), with Lord Limp taking his turn to use a ‘phone a friend’ lifeline.

If only he had any.

By this time, the hard-working staff at Hash HQ had their act together, using the Hare’s Runkeeper route map (second row stuff, right there) to supplement the blown away flour and washed out plaster markings.

What was meant to be a picturesque jaunt through the narrow colonial carriageways of South Hobart was now a forensic investigation of paths and gutters, like a manhunt for a cereal killer.

Who did kill Snap, Crackle and Pop?

Dodging the wheelie bins that Limp was accused of knocking over, the Pack eventually made it down to the Rivulet, and located trail along Linear Park. By this stage, most had glanced at their watches and made the executive decision to head ‘home’.

Most were happy to be out of the wind, with a cold beverage in hand. The exception being In The Raw, who was too tired from carrying the cloth yoke of stupidity around for the entire trail, BECAUSE IT DID NOT RAIN!

On On
Grizzly

SKOLS

• Gov’nor Honkers – Hare.
• Organ Grinder – c*untry member.
• Lord Limp – bin tipper. Runners would turn a corner to find bins strewn across the roads and paths, then spot Limp running away.
• Honkers – technology fail. Answering a call on his watch, then wondering why he couldn’t hear it through his phone.
• TopDek – over achiever.
• Mother of Pearl – under achiever (didn’t leave the pub).

• Contessa Coupla Weeks – drafting behind Yes Please like they were in le Tour de France.
• Organ Grinder, Bee’s Dick and Magic Touch – so much for being ‘gun runners’, as they barely got out of sight of the walkers.
• Growler – far cough yak hunt. Heading off to Norfolk Island for a visit (not New Norfolk; nobody visits New Norfolk).
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

To donate to Hands On‘s fundraising effort,
use the QR code above, or click this link.

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2238

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/