Volume 44, Issue 1 | April 28, 2025

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RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2336	12 May	Hare required
2337	19 May	Hare required
2338	26 May	H4	Combined clubs charity run, Royal Yacht Club of Tasmania, Marieville Esplanade, Sandy Bay

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UP AND CUMMING

26 May 2025 | Combined Hash Clubs Charity Run
7 – 8 June 2025 | Chardonnay Highland Fling, Tullah
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2334 REPORT

An Olympic-level sprinter is pretty fast, and a cheetah is even faster, but neither compares to the speed of a Mismanager offloading their responsibilities at the end of a Hash year…

Annual General P!ss-Ups are a cause for celebration – if you’re one of the outgoing Mismanagers. For the rest, it’s a case of getting in as much of the ‘free’ p!ss on hand before steeling yourself for the announcement of the new Mismanagement committee.

The ‘royalty’ theme was well supported, with some interesting interpretations, including a drag queen (Triple K), Titania, Queen of the Fairies (Steptoe) and either Queen guitarist Brian May, or Prince (TopDek) – either fitted the brief. There were some stunning efforts, from busty queens to a shake-up of Elvis-es, to whatever it was that the JMs were meant to be – an ugly page boy and some poonce in his mum’s curtains, as far as we could make out.

Pre-trail entertainment was provided by Kanga, as Hashers lined up to compare height, or in most cases – lack thereof. Highness Eager was nowhere to be seen, but that’s difficult at the best of times.

Gov’nor Honkers‘ magazine was eagerly snapped up, some Hashers immediately scrolling through to see how many times they appeared in photos, others waiting for an appropriate-length toilet break upon their own throne.

There was much pre-trail to-ing and fro-ing outside, with reports of rain causing a flurry of activity from the water-soluble Hashers amongst us. Needless to say – knowing full well that I’m going to say it – IT NEVER RAINS ON A HASH TRAIL, and it didn’t.

The Joint Masters were at pains to report that the trail was AGPU-appropriate and much like our outgoing On Sec – which I took to mean ‘short and vindictive’. That said, Bee’s Dick arrived at the first of three p!ss stops looking like he’d either had a decent ‘blow out’, or that it DOES rain on a Hash Trail. (The latter being an example of one of Cracker’s ‘FACTS’.)

Bad News provided the first PS offering – his trademark Athol Brose – referred to as ‘that shit porridge stuff’ by the uneducated. Of which there were many.

Second PS was at The Waggon, once a dingy watering hole and frequent Hash venue, now decidedly not. The difficulties of herding thirty-odd (very odd) Hashers into a bar to order a drink from a single bar attendant were plain to see. Early arrivals grabbed their drink, then decided to prop themselves up at the bar and make it difficult for anyone else to get served. When Thrill Seeker lobbed in and got served straight away, I had to remove anything sharp from within Honkers‘ reach.

Luckily, there were no such issues at the third and last drink stop, with Thrill Seeker and Steady Eddie trying to erase memories of the Tun Light day-barcle that will forever mark their time in the role. It is indeed fortunate that the local branch of Alcoholics Anonymous had conceded defeat and were no longer meeting where Hash p!ss stops are frequent.

Back inside the pub, those who were not comfortable roaming North Hobart while wearing a crown had changed, ready for the main event. The food on offer was… different. Gone was Scotty’s ‘roast of the day’ or ‘battered fish and chips’, replaced by platters of finger foods. Filling, but not memorable (in any good way). It’s probably just as well that the JMs had the expansive Oktoberfest feed to fall back on.

Lips Bee’s Dick and Prawn Star hosted yet another ‘final’ circle and ended their tenure in fine style, but Prawn Star’s lobbing of scribbled-on napkins into the air to mark his exit (stage left) lacked the gravitas of his sacrificial burning of the notebook some weeks early.

Then it was the time for the Joint Masters to bring the sh!t-show to an end, and didn’t they take their time doing it! First – thumbs up to the JMs for making the Awards relevant again. Vaguely relevant, anyway. It is the belief of your humble correspondent that the AGPU should always be about celebrating the past year, not just offloading Mismanagement roles.

Included in the list of Awards was a new one. – the Grand Master’s special award. Clearfell’s explanation that there is no criteria but just a ‘general vibe’ seemed to appropriately sum up his year as H5’s congenial phallic head.

Kudos to JMs Bad News (the good one) and In The Raw (the bad one) for a fun end to the year. Well done and our thanks to the outgoing Mismanagers for their dedication to getting the club to the finish line, and to Gov’nor Honkers for another outstanding publication.

On! On!
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• JMs ITR and Bad News: hares
• Hands On, Gingernuts, Arsecutter, Grassroots, Steptoe, Fringe Benefits, Bog Roll, TicToc: c#ntry members
• Fringe Benefits: a cup of warm milk before trail
• Growler: bowling champion, going to compete on Christmas Island
• TicToc: tried to pay Hash Lip instead of Hash Cash
• Quarter Pounder: proxy skol for Big Mac: something about buying donuts, I missed the punch line
• Hands On: bike race champion: third place in age group, going to compete internationally
• TopDek: had no idea what character her costume was representing: could have been Queen or Prince
• MILLSTONE: Gingernuts: 50 runs
• MILLSTONE: Arsecutter: 200 runs
• Bee’s Dick and Prawn Star: gave themselves a skol for being top Lips

AWARDS

JMs ITR and Bad News wrested control of the microphone from the Lips to present some H5 awards:

• Encouragement Award: Bee’s Dick for Run 2317
• Most confusing run of the year: Mr Bean and Miss Bling’s oddly marked up and down trail
• Best run of the year: Rigor Mortis
• Best Piss Stop of the year: Steady Eddie proxy for Incumming
• Best run report: (awarded by Hon Sec Cracker): Grizzly for Hash Trash 2312
• Best fancy dress (male) at AGPU: Sonar
• Best fancy dress (female) at AGPU: Steptoe
• Shithead of the year: joint ‘winners’ Quarter Pounder and Big Mac
• C*nt of the year: to be announced later due to absence of recipient
• GM’s Special Award: GM Clearfell announced he had created a new award, with no criteria attached, and the inaugural recipient was Grizzly

MISMANAGEMENT (as announced)

Hashet Managers – Viagra, Next Week, Prawn Star or Lord Limp (basically anyone with a tow bar?)
Hash Horn – Eveready
Hash Flash – Sonar
Hash Hops – In The Raw

Hash Lips – Organ Grinder and Stunned Mullet
Trailmaster – Prickit
On Sec – Sir Eve

Hash Cash – Gingernuts and Grassroots
Joint Masters – Contessa Coupla Weeks and Wee Willie Winkie
Grand Master – Grizzly

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2334

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BRAND NEW H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2025-26

Grand Master	Grizzly
Joint Masters	Contessa Coupla Weeks Wee Willie Winkie
On Sec	Sir Eve
Hash Cash	Gingernuts Grassroots
Hash Lips	Organ Grinder Stunned Mullet
Hash Hops	In The Raw
Trailmaster	Prickit
Hash Flash	Sonar
Hash Horn	Eveready
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/