Volume 43, Issue 37 | December 30, 2024

---

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2319	13 Jan	Sonar	TBA
2320	20 Jan	Prickit	Cartwright Reserve, Sandy Bay
2321	27 Jan	Rigor Mortis	TBA
2322	3 Feb	Hare required

---

---

UP AND CUMMING

28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

---

RUN 2317 REPORT

I was instructed to write this run report by the On Sec, as she has shot off again to some hippy gathering. Probably to practice pubic hair platting or receive instruction on how to make hemp knickers.

She said that this was a rare honour and to stick to facts.  I was NOT to take the slippery path that Grizzly has descended and write shite.

Well, here are some FACTS:

• In The Raw is not the most hated man in Hash.  This title is now bestowed on another, more deserving Hasher.
• ITR is not the bad JM.  There are no bad JMs in this club. The JMs who work as a team and are both good.
• ITR is a really nice person.  He is not a shithead, arsehole or muck stirrer.
• The On Sec is a jumped up poo-poo head with an over-inflated sense of self-importance.

There, FACTS as requested.

Now where was I, oh yes, the run…..

Surprisingly, for a run set smack in the midst of Christmas holidays, a mid-size pack of over twenty hashers assembled at the Maison de Bite for the second-ever trail set by Bee’s Dick from his domicile.

I had brought along the Firemaster 5000 and was about to set it up.  However, the clubs Chief Fire Warden, Next Week, after surveying the Dick back yard, declared a fire emergency and forbade any sort of naked flame from being lit within 100 metres of Haus des Schwanzes.

The entertainment area at Dom  Chlena  is rather tight, so it was not long before there was some serious body rubbing going on between Hashers.  I was rather enjoying this erotic moment when the Hare appeared, gave a chalk talk and told us to piss off.

We headed west along Flagstaff Gully Link Road to Gordons Hill Road.  Spoof had to be redirected back onto trail as we passed the old folks home when he started to wander into the driveway with a twinkle in his eye and a lump in his pants. I think he had a rock in his pocket.

Crossing Gordons Hill Road, the trail headed into the old Rosny golf course area with the Burger Boys demonstrating their horn blowing abilities to great effect. A split in the bush had the runners heading off to who knows where, never to be seen again.  The walkers wandered around in the bush a bit and then ended up in Marril Place at the top of Lindisfarne before descending St Helens Street.  Spoof took one looked at the height that was to be lost, adjusted his pacemaker and said, “Fook that, I’m Hashing”.  I was a bit worried about him, especially with the delights of the nursing home nearby, so went along to keep him company.

Trail was found again in Kent Street where I waited for the pack to arrive to take some photos.  Spoof, now in the unlikely position of FRB, powered on ahead, striding with purpose.  Funnily enough, he seemed to be heading back in the direction of the nursing home.

The trail then entered virgin territory. It went through bushland behind houses in Gordons Hill Road and over a hill towards Warrane.  While wandering along a bush path, we copped abuse from a local harridan who complained that we were on her land.   The club’s chief negotiator and local government liaison officer, Sir Eve, tried to placate the old bag without much success.   He tried to draw the belligerent old fools attention to the Boundary Fences Act 1908 but gave up in disgust when she wouldn’t stop rabbiting on about her land.

The virgin territory continued through the bush and descended towards Radiata Drive. Contessa Coupla Weeks found a 2 metre length of garden hose laying on  trail and snaveled it.  She wouldn’t say what she wanted it for but was heard mumbling something about whipping some cocks into shape.

A long FT in Wassle Place had the pack regrouping and surprise, surprise, finding a weary and bedraggled Spoof coming from the direction of the nursing home.

The trail passed through more virgin territory, a grassy laneway that led down to Flagstaff Gully Link Road and back to the Dom Kutasa.

There was no sign of the runners back at the Kuca Kurca. They had not arrived by the time that the walkers and NDIS component of the club had finished eating and were waiting for the circle to begin.  I had to leave at this point, so I do not know what happened to them.

Apart from losing the runners – no great loss really – Bee’s Dick set a good trail with virgin territory and entertaining locals. I enjoyed the trail.  It was after all, 15 years to the day that I first started with H5.  It was also my 550 run to boot.  I was touched by the humble celebration given to me for this milestone (see attached photo). As this milestone has now PASSED there is NO need for any FURTHER attention in this regard.

With love and kindness,
ITR

Postscript:

While most of the runners had made it back in time for the circle, two were missing. Stunned Mullet and Eveready had been out for two hours, prompting Hare Bee’s Dick to run trail in reverse to try to locate them. Both were subsequently found wandering Warrane by Sugar Babe and returned to the on-on, having recorded over 12 kilometres. It was explained that Stunned Mullet had pulled up lame and were walking back but had lost trail, with no idea as to where to go to get back to Casa de Polla. All well and good, but Mullet later discovered that his new smart watch includes a map and shows how to return to a starting point.

---

SKOLS

• Bee’s Dick – Hare (in absentia).
• Quarter Pounder and Big Mac – Rigor Mortis was sure that she’d get to take their run fees before trail for once, given that the run started from their house. Still last to pay and still after they had returned from trail.
• Contessa Coupla Weeks – found a length of hose on trail, unsure if its intended use was bondage or bongs.
• Miss Bling – two weeks without incident.
• Spoof – excellent Hashing bought undone by exceedingly long FT
• Mr Bean – bought large enough turkey to feed Somalia, but only four for dinner. Now has 50 litres of turkey soup to offload, so be wary of any dinner invites.
• Sonar – ran through a false trail and kept on running way over to the other side of the hill. Sonar wasn’t working.
• Thrill Seeker – hiding the Guinness can in with the softies, because no one is going to look in there.
• Spoof – Hashing through a local’s garden, with the resultant castigation directed at innocent Hashers on true trail.
• Spoof – indecipherable number plate. Did he commit a burglary?
• Big Mac – ‘lost’ property, failed to properly secure his horn.
• Lone Arranger – had to be sedated upon seeing the ‘free form’ state of the Dick boys’ garden.
• Coupla Weeks – asked Grizzly if he got caught in the downpour on the Southern Outlet. Not even Google Maps would route you through Kingston when departing from home in Old Beach.
• Stunned Mullet and Eveready – losers and auto-Hashers.
• … plus other skols I didn’t record because I was stand-in Lip and stand-in Flash
  [All I’m seeing is whiny excuses. Do better! – On Sec]

---

A Combined Hash Run will be held on the occasion of the 124th Bream Creek Show

** ENJOY A HASH RUN FROM THE SHOWGROUNDS **

DATE: Saturday, 15th March 2025

VENUE: Bream Creek Showgrounds, Copping

START TIME: Run starts at 11:00 am
It is a bus run. Bus will be parked on Marion Bay Road (near Townsend Lane) above the main car park at the Showgrounds

HARES: Moses (Dumb); Argue (Dumber) & Grasshopper (Dumbless)

---

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2317

---

DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, (former) most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

---

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

---

Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/