Volume 43, Issue 35 | December 16, 2024

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RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2317	30 Dec	Dick Brothers	TBA (Lindisfarne)
2318	6 Jan	Hare required
2319	13 Jan	Hare required
2320	20 Jan	Hare required

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UP AND CUMMING

25 December 2024 | Christmas Day Hash, Legacy Park, Domain
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN 2315 REPORT

Painful as it is to compliment the Bad JM, it must be said that ITR’s trail was an example of a perfect Christmas run: short on trail and long on festivities. Walkers’ trail was a tad over 2kms, runners’ trail a tad over 3kms, there were three, varied Piss Stops and plenty of fun back at the On On. In ITR‘s humble opinion, he should also receive glowing tributes for his masterful use of the terrain and the delightful setting of the Piss Stops.

Close to 50 Hashers turned up on a hot night, after day-time temperatures hit 33 degrees. This, of course, prompted a few martyrish whinges from ITR (ah, that feels better; back to heaping shite on the bad JM).

Trail started down Brisbane St to Elizabeth St, and continued with many twists and turns, cheeky checks and cunning FTs and a runners/walkers split, until crossing the Brooker Ave pedestrian overpass, winding through the rose garden and back under the Brooker to the ABC roundabout fountain, site of the first Piss Stop. Here, Hashers enjoyed Baileys amid the falling yellow leaves of the surrounding trees, after ITR evicted a homeless person from his little patch of Heaven.

Leaving the ABC roundabout, trail headed south on Mistral Place for a second runners/walkers split, both groups eventually merging and heading toward the CBD and the second Piss Stop at the Workers Club.

Meanwhile, Cracker and Ratu Steady Eddie scurried off to the second Piss Stop, where Cracker was assigned the role of CEO and Ratu that of Chief of Security. Well, maybe not scurried; more like shuffled to the melodic sound of Ratu’s crutches striking the pavement.

At the Workers Club, Hashers exchanged tickets issued by Cracker and Ratu Steady Eddie for drinks at the bar. Cracker didn’t trust all Hashers to see the huge arrow pointing into the Workers Club so went downstairs just in time to catch the front runners, including Eveready, Pole Dancer, Big Mac and Bee’s Dick, running straight past. Even when called back, they were reluctant to stop, thinking it was just a photo shoot. How stupid can stupid get? Ratu did an outstanding job as Chief of Security, using his crutches to keep under control any misbehaving Hashers. However, he almost got the sack when he handed out a ticket to a random real person.

From the Workers Club, trail headed north up Elizabeth St, then wended its way, with a third runners/walkers split, to the third Piss Stop in a little park next to the State Library. So many Santas en masse inspired the drivers of a fire engine to set their sirens blazing. The occupants of a cop car watched in bemusement as a sea of red crossed the road on a red light. Spoof, marching to the tune of a different drum, was generally somewhere other hashers were not. Stunned Mullet did most of the trail on a scooter. Sonar almost gave an innocent older lady a heart attack by bounding up to her with a bilious Grinch sound; at least he didn’t moon her, his party trick at Piss Stop 3.

At the third Piss Stop, ITR, after ejecting yet another poor, defenceless homeless person, had set up the eskies, which included some interesting drinks he added to supplement the boring beers supplied by Hash Hops Ratu Steady Eddie and Thrill Seeker who, in their beer selection, display the sort of imagination that you’d expect from a teetotaling supporter of the temperance movement.

Gov’nor Honkers led a Hash carol session at the third Piss Stop, continuing what he’d started at Piss Stop 1. From the Gov’nor’s personal, unbiased viewpoint, this was an outstanding success. Some real people were interested in the spectacle, but I don’t think the Hash alternative lyrics registered with them.

Finally, ITR called time, so everyone p#ssed off to the New Sydney over the road for dinner and Christmas shenanigans. Yes Please went down in an attempted dramatic exit. Dinner came, Christmas fare of turkey and ham followed by Christmas pudding. The Lip session came (this was carefully timed to fit with Santa’s coming, but Contessa Coupla Weeks decided at the last moment to deliver a skoll via a long and winding tale reminiscent of Ratu). Santa came (a bit delayed), and Hashers sat on his capacious lap while he handed out presents with suitably lewd comments. Gift of the night went to Lone Arranger: if you’re game, ask her what it was (this is really a test to check which of you b#stards read the Trash). 

On On – Cracker

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SKOLS

• ITR: hare
• Mother of Pearl, Jerk Off, Scary Eyeball, Offal, Ratu Steady Eddie, Incoming: c#ntry members
• Jerk Off: lost property (jacket returned after 6 months, with perfume enhancements)
• Jerk Off: joke (they never get any better)
• Her Highness Eager: got chased away after trying to share her lollies on trail
• Scary Eyeball: lost property (sunnies)
• Ratu Steady Eddie: was an outstanding Chief of Security at the Workers Club, with the assistance of his crutches
• Luke: Hash virgin (he probably thinks this is standard fare at H5 runs)
• Stunned Mullet: ‘athlete’ using a scooter on trail; had some technical difficulties and no helmet

• Mr Bean: following his family tradition, fell over on his way into the pub
• Bee’s Dick: ran past the second Piss Stop, thinking it was just a photo stop, then boasted about being first to arrive at the third Piss Stop
• Miss Bling: received the inaugural IDIOT award (I Did It On Trail) for falling over and damaging herself on trail (a common occurance)
• MILLSTONE: Big Mac: 50 runs
• MILLSTONE: Prickit: 500 runs
• ITR (from Grizzly) setting up Santa sacks, couldn’t find the ‘unisex’ sign which was right in front of him
• Lone Arranger (from Contessa Coupla Weeks): something about feeling up the leg of Stunned Mullet (I was a bit distracted by the ringing of Santa’s bells, so might have got this wrong)

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A Combined Hash Run will be held on the occasion of the 124th Bream Creek Show

** ENJOY A HASH RUN FROM THE SHOWGROUNDS **

DATE: Saturday, 15th March 2025

VENUE: Bream Creek Showgrounds, Copping

START TIME: Run starts at 11:00 am
It is a bus run. Bus will be parked on Marion Bay Road (near Townsend Lane) above the main car park at the Showgrounds

HARES: Moses (Dumb); Argue (Dumber) & Grasshopper (Dumbless)

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Link to all photos for Run 2314

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/