Volume 43, Issue 32 | November 25, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2314	9 Dec	Eager	Knocklofty Reserve, Forest Rd
2315	16 Dec	New Sydney	ITR Christmas run
2316	23 Dec	Brazilian and Clearfell	Cascade Gardens (bottom carpark)
2317	30 Dec	Hare required
2318	6 Jan	Hare required

---

---

UP AND CUMMING
25 December 2024 | Christmas Day Hash, Legacy Park, Domain
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

---

RUN 2312 REPORT

With the Minister for Small Facts off on another ‘Grown Your Own Mung Bean Merkin’ retreat, it’s a chance to rebuild the H5 Trash as the bastion of bullsh!t for which it is rightly famous. Vaguely famous – ‘winner of the third season of Big Brother‘ level of famousness.

The Lauderdale far canal was heaving with Hasher flesh, and this was more than just Prawn Star trying on a shirt five sizes too small. The most welcome sight was that of Next Week with the Firemaster 5000™ and a boot load of endangered species timber. Sir Eve was so excited, he gave Next Week a blow job.

Thrill Seeker arrived – early – and set about displaying his driving prowess with a 53-point turn in the open grounds of the picnic area. It was like watching a cat circle its favourite pillow. Then vomitting on it with cans of Tun mid.

Hare Ted Bullpit gave a stirring chalk talk, reminiscent of the finest speeches from great orators like Marcel Marceau, Harpo Marx and Winston Churchill*. This was probably due to him still being out setting trail, but also because he’s Ted Bullpit.

* This would be from the period of Winston Churchill where he didn’t have that much to say. Because he was dead.

They say that ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’, and so the chalked markings left by the Hare seemed overly verbose. The runners were set off to enjoy a loop of the far canal, leaving the walkers to take on the shifting sands of Roches Beach. Ratu Steady Eddie seemed to think that it was Shark Week and was on the look out for white pointers. He was very keen to save an attractive semi-clad female from a near-certain mauling. It would have been more certain if he’d had his new hip.

There was an early pattern to the trail – beach, inland to a parallel street, back out to the beach. repeat. After working out the cypher, the smart Hashers continued on the beach, which then became a game of ‘Catholic chicken’ – knowing when to pull out. After working out the cypher, the smart-er Hasher – Gov’nor Honkers – continued along the parallel road, which was much easier under foot and because he’s CoE thank you very much.

Obviously the residents of one of the side streets had heard that H5 would be passing by and set out a special hobbit-sized basketball hoop for the Minister for Small Facts to enjoy. The look of disappointment on their faces when it was clear that Cracker would not be slam dunking was heartbreaking. Thankfully, DNR was on hand to fill in, in a cheap, dime-store Santa kind of way.

FACT – the shortest NBA player to slam dunk was Anthony ‘Spud’ Webb. Spud was 5’7″, or 3.29 Crackers in the metric equivalent.

The Pack was then directed to the Tangara Trail, but not before Thrill Seeker annexed a local’s driveway in search of birdsh!t. The Catholics – Grassroots, Lone Arranger and TopDek – rejoined after cleaning themselves off and it was a case of how far north did we want to go. The Catholics decided ‘not far’ and headed back to the beach for ‘sloppy seconds’.

You could tell that the scantily-clad swimmer had fled as Ratu was back at the on on fiddling with his sausage. Incoming was quite relieved that he didn’t have to go in and rescue one of them (i.e. Steady) as he didn’t want a salty skol from his new shoes.

The inwards trail had that sandy familiarity to it, but no one complained. The weather was mild, the sand was firm, and it was FLAT. Thanks Ted!

The refurbished barbecue – courtesy of Sonar – competed with the Grillmaster 3000™, in much the same way that Côte d’Ivoire has a competitor in the 100m sprint at the Olympics. Lips Bee’s Dick and Prawn Star conducted an marathon circle, only halted by failing light and a strong desire to heckle Thrill Seeker as he attempted to exit the grounds.

On! On! – Grizzly

---

SKOLS

• Ted Bullpit – Hare
• Dishlicker, Gingernuts, Incoming, Magic Touch, Quarter Pounder – c*untry members
• Ted Bullpit – accused of laying so much flour that the native animals were in danger of contracting ‘lumpy jaw’.
• Thrill Seeker – parking
• Eveready was accused of endangering the trailing runners by running on the wrong side of the road, but the skol was passed on to Bee’s Dick because Everyready was behind him.
• Incoming – new shoes (for the third time).
• Quarter Pounder – commented on Prawn Star’s post-trail ruddy complexion, suggested that he looked like a cooked shrimp.
• Just Kidding – DIY hair perm (tried to electrocute herself at work)
• Magic Touch – un-committed GeriHashTic

• Grizzly – hippo birdy two ewes
• Prawn Star – Arsecutter presented Prawn Star with a suitably embellished cap (from his own line of merch…).
• Rigor Mortis – tried to dibber-dob on Hashers with no Hash gear. Turns out that Rigor needed to go to SpecSavers.
• Steady Eddie – going to the A.I. darkside with a new bionic hip next week.
• Grizzly – Eveready bristled at being one of those called out by the On Sec for on last week’s trail, noting that they DID find more trail (even if it was just the first lap of the oval because the starting point had changed)
• Prawn Star – tried on one of Eveready’s tees, bringing back the ‘muffin top’ look
• Millstones:
  • Organ Grinder 50 runs
  • Prawn Star 100 runs
• Rigor Mortis – told by Hash Hops Thrill Seeker that there was red wine in the back corner of the van. Rigor was seen searching the wheel arch above the back tyre.
• Thrill Seeker – turned back by a call of ‘FT’, Thrill Seeker immediately climbed a fence into Joe Public’s yard and started following birdshit up their driveway.
• Lord Limp – FRB jacket (to be worn while officiating on Bruny Island for the Ultra/Relay).

---

A Combined Hash Run will be held on the occasion of the 124th Bream Creek Show

** ENJOY A HASH RUN FROM THE SHOWGROUNDS **

DATE: Saturday, 15th March 2025

VENUE: Bream Creek Showgrounds, Copping

START TIME: Run starts at 11:00 am
It is a bus run. Bus will be parked on Marion Bay Road (near Townsend Lane) above the main car park at the Showgrounds

HARES: Moses (Dumb); Argue (Dumber) & Grasshopper (Dumbless)

---

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2312

---

DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

JUST KIDDING’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of the ‘Greenacres’ theme song
Just Kidding is a blonde you see,
Deep thinkn’ she says is not for me,
She just adores a beer or two,
But give her too many and she’s probably gonna spew!
Down, down, down-down-down-down-down …

---

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

---

Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/