Volume 43, Issue 11 | July 1, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2290	15 July	Grassroots	Workers Club, Hobart
2291	22 July	Just Kidding	TBA
2292	29 July	Eager	Club Hotel
2293	5 August	ITR	TBA
2294	12 August	Bad News	New Sydney
2295	19 August	Rigor Mortis	TBA

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ Full details in next week’s H5 Hash Trash
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN REPORT

Run 2288 saw us once again at the Moonah Hotel, once again embracing our Inner Bogan north of the Flannelette Curtain. Although, apparently, what was once a derogatory term is now regarded (mostly by those who live north of the Flannelette Curtain) as a badge of honour. Something like embracing our convict heritage, but way less sexy.

Those Hashers who experienced the geriatric nursing home vibes of last week’s run with H4 must have breathed a collective sigh of relief to be back among the athletes of H5. There were Gov’nor Honkers and Lone Arranger, plotting a coup to overthrow Can’t Stop as Life-time President of the NDIS Brigade. There was Sir Eve, working out his timetable for a last nervous wee before the run. There were Jerky and MOP, comparing buggered knees. Ah, H5 athletes rule forever!

Pole Dancer issued his run instructions. There were two trails – short walkers’ (no, it wasn’t a Cracker joke) and long walkers’/runners’ combined trail. But WTF? Pole Dancer is a runner – and there’s no runners’ trail? He added that there were plenty of options for Hashers to find their own way back to the pub. He really was overestimating the intelligence of some Hashers, but more on that later. To cries of ‘lazy b#####d’, directed with much disrespect at the illustrious Hare, the pack set off into the concrete jungle behind the Flannelette Curtain.

Bloody hell, it was cold, the temperature hovering around 5 – 6 degrees. ITR and Grizzly, who feign coolness in short pants all year round, shivered and complained, never considering that long pants might be the answer. But then, common sense is like a deodorant – the people who need it most never use it.

The trail did a nice little loop around the streets of Moonah, with a clear split at the short/long intersection. It didn’t deviate from concrete and streetlights, handy for those who had forgotten torches. Grizzly did a good job of assisting the navigationally challenged by marking on trail at the checks and false trails. Some people diverted at various points, in protest at a walkers’/runners’ trail.

Guv’nor Honkers, almost back at the On On, decided to do a random gravity check, tripping over a traffic bollard in the hotel’s car park with a resounding crack which was almost heard south of the Flannelette Curtain. The bad news … he had an impressively fat lip, bruised wrist, cut knee. The good news … he established that gravity is still working.

Last to arrive back were Big Mac, Bee’s Dick and Lord Limp, having got lost on trail. Remember Pole Dancer’s mis-placed confidence in the intelligence of Hashers? We expect Big Mac and Bee’s Dick to lose trail – they couldn’t find their own butt holes with a map and written instructions. But we really do expect Hash elder, Lord Limp, to set a better example.

Meals at the Moonah Hotel were excellent, as usual. Even the bangers and mash were presented artistically, prompting some suggestive comments from the lips of W3 and an anticipatory gleam to the eyes of Bad News. Some Hashers wore footy colours in support of the night’s theme (I’m a Wombats supporter, so it went over my head). Highlight of the On On was Grizzly’s rendition of a new song for Just Kidding, which he had made up on trail during a few idle moments. Bad JM ITR gave some information about the Oktoberfest – it will, without doubt, be the Oktoberfest of the year. Look for full details, including how to book, in the next H5 Hash Trash.

On On – Cracker

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SKOLS

• Pole Dancer: Hare
• MOP, Jerk Off, Pricket, Couple Weeks, Spoof, Can’t Stop, Offal, Metro: c#ntry members
• MOP: Sore knees – she only came out for the meat
• Lone Arranger – auto-correct on a text she sent to Grizzly informed him that Neil was getting her out of bed
• Thrillseeker (Wha’) – calling ‘No’ on trail; something was lost in translation
• Silent but Deadly: sporting a black eye from a netball game
• Lord Limp: trying to catch trout on trail with a dubious fishing line
• Gov’nor Honkers: going down on trail
• Grizzly, Lone Arranger, Bee’s Dick: another skol from Stunned Mullet’s RSL event – something about locking a kid in a loo
• Rigor Mortis: at last week’s joint run, paid H4 instead of H5
• Cracker: a tiny, insignficant navigational error on the way to Hash
• Lord Limp, Next Week, Just Kidding: far cough yak hunts
• Just Kidding: has served 25 years with Glenorchy City Council
• Big Mac – lost property – needs to keep his hands on his horn at all times
• Bee’s Dick (from Lord Limp) something about footy
• Gov’nor Honkers (from ITR) presentation of a bottle of wine in payment of a lost footy bet
• Rigmor Mortis: millstone – 125 runs (bestowed by the Good JM, Bad News)

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2287

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DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/