Volume 43, Issue 10 | June 24, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2289	8 July	Hands On	Lauderdale Hotel Bar
2290	15 July	Grassroots	Workers Club, Hobart
2291	22 July	Hare required

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ TBA
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN REPORT

It is quite frightening to have a look at your possible future. There I was, happy as Larry with my lot in life. That was until I walked into the Royal Yacht Club for the combined clubs run in support of gynecological cancer research.

For a moment, I thought I was in the wrong place. Had a bunch of demented old codgers escaped from a nursing home? Surely, this can’t be a Hash run? None of these old buggers can move, let alone run. What had happened? Had I inadvertently stumbled into a geriatric bingo night or a wheelie walker rally? Sadly, no. Spying Guv’nor Honkers and Grizzly across the room, I realized that I was in the correct place and that the RYCT was full of ancient, decrepit and enfeebled Hashers. Well, that’s H4 for you. I shuddered with the thought that maybe this is the future for H5. F..k I hope not, I doubt it, f..k it better not!

I threaded my way through the throng, carefully avoiding pools of drool, wheelie walkers and discarded incontinence pads, looking for the Hash Cash. I found TopDek, flying solo. I pondered on why Rigor Mortis had not turned up. This was, after all, a target-rich environment for a Harriette, that is, if you were not too fussy.

I fortified myself with a schooner of White Rabbit and had a bit of chit chat with some of the truly demented before Philthy rudely interrupted. From what I could understand, he was issuing the run instructions. He kept on rambling, so we all decided to piss off.

The trail was pretty good, taking in the sights of Sandy Bay, including the Pro Palestinian protest camp at the Uni. There was a plethora of tents and protest paraphernalia about, but alas, no protesters. Probably too cold for them.

Back at the On On, H4 had the BBQ cracking and plenty of booze on hand. I must say, the old boys do cater well.

The circle was a rowdy affair. The H5 Lips were on song with witty tales and banter. The H4 Lip was awake, I think. H5 dominated the singing, denying H4 the opportunity to belt out their one and only song. That was until Grizzly, feeling sorry for the tottering old fools, relented and sung it for them.

By this time, Poonce decided that everyone was having too much fun and, more
importantly, H4 bedtime was nearing. After a short speech he handed over a cheque for $2,500 to the ladies from the research centre (I forgot to write their names down, sorry) and then, as if a silent recall alarm had gone off in their pacemakers, H4, to a man, shuffled and wheezed off out the door and were gone. Back to the nursing home, I suspect. No announcement, no next week’s run, no club song, nothing.

This sent both H5 Lips into reset mode. They stood immobile, mouths agog. Here was a moment when strong and decisive leadership was needed. Moving with the speed of Ratu Steady Eddie chasing a dropped bottle of Viagra pills down a hill, I approached the Lips, gave both a swift kick up the jacksie and told them to focus and get back on track.

With the H5 train back on the rails, the club song was sung with extra gusto, mainly to annoy the rapidly disappearing members of H4. Lone Arranger then decided to lead off with the Chardonnay song. Everyone felt sorry for her and the other three members of that strange, confused club, so we all helped out.

All up, not a bad night with 120 Hashers turning up. The trail was OK, food good and H5 ruled the circle.

On On – ITR.

Postscript:
I would like my minions in H5 to note that there have been no disparaging remarks made about any member of H5 in the above run report. I expect, nay, demand that this manner of politeness will continue in further reports. It is not up to some jumped up ‘editor’ with an over inflated opinion of their own importance to make sarcastic and rude remarks about fellow Hashers. This is especially so if they are from the Executive. So, there will be no more references to the ‘Bad JM’, ‘Most Hated man in Hash’ etc. From this time on, politeness and reverence to the Executive are all that is asked when reporting on a run. *

Yours sincerely and forever, may life shower you with petals and cherry blossoms,

On On – ITR

* As demonstrated in this Postscript , the Bad JM appears to suffer from delusions of adequacy. Ed

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SKOLS

• Philthy, HAT and Porno (H4) – Hares
• Argue (H4) – talking in the circle (who would believe that?)
• Sir Eve – handing Wee Bev something 14cm long, 8cm in diameter and ribbed for her pleasure (his torch!)
• Bee’s Dick, Clearfell, Grizzly, Herr Flick and Lone Arranger – loitering around the male toilet at the Kingston RSL and heckling as people entered.
• The Prof (H4) – had a wedge inserted (by the way he was walking, we know where…)
• Clearfell – gazumped a devastated 11-year-old for a karting voucher by upping the bid by $1.
• Stunned Mullet and French Tickler – both wearing the scars from a rowdy after-party.
• Lord Limp – taken out by H4 hitmen.
• HAT (H4) – lost property. Again.
• Dishlicker – too bloody cold! Where’s the fire pot?
• Incoming – new shoes!
• Just Kidding – when told to look at the full moon, looked around the street instead of up in the sky.
• Arsecutter – wore a pink pimp jacket to Stunned Mullet’s fundraiser.
• Prawn Star and Stunned Mullet – interviewed for television news, not wearing Hash gear.
• Growler – walking past Guv’nor Honkers’ house and describing, with apparently intimate knowledge, the layout of the place.

A cheque (what is a cheque?) for $2,500 was presented to support Gynaecological Cancer Research.

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2287

DOWN DOWN SONGS

Anyone who has experienced an H4 Circle will have experienced the boredom of endlessly repeating one song. One song only! In H5, we have a salubrious collection to choose from. Not only but also, a select few H5 Hashers have their very own Down Down songs. So LEARN them, you lazy b#####ds. So then you can SING them. LOUDLY. OFTEN.

GRIZZLY’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go down to the Hash today you’re sure of a big surprise,
A Grizzly bear is fartin’ there ‘cause he ate all the pies,
His pants are brown, the smell makes him frown,
He is a happy, Hashin’ clown,
Today’s the day that Grizzly Bear has to down down ….

Gov’nor HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Dad’s Army theme song
Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

IN THE RAW’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of Geelong Cats Song
He’s In The Raw, most hated man of all.
He’s in the Raw, he’s only got one ball.
He cannot run, and that is no surprise,
‘Cos he ate all the pies!
He’s ugly as a pug, and half as smart,
And all he does is fart …

Ratu STEADY EDDIE’S DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of My old Man’s a Dustman
Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat,
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down …

THRILL SEEKER’S DOWN DOWN SONG
To the tune of Greased Lightning
Go Thrill Seeker, he’s faster than a speeding snail,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
Go, Thrill Seeker, he shuffles over hill and dale,
(Thrill Seeker, go Thrill Seeker)
From socks of red, to wiry head,
He’s Thrill Seeker,
Go-go-go-go-go
(with syncopated clapping)
Down-down-down-down-down …

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/