Volume 43, Issue 9 | June 17, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2288	1 July	Pole Dancer Theme: Footy Colours	Moonah Hotel
2289	8 July	Hands On	TBA
2290	15 July	Grassroots	Workers Club, Hobart
2291	22 July	Hare required

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UP AND CUMMING

19-20 October | H5 Oktoberfest @ TBA
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN REPORT

Wee Willie Winkie rins through the toon,
Up stairs an’ doon stairs in his nicht-gown,
Tirlin’ at the window, crying at the lock,
‘Are the weans in their bed, for it’s now ten o’clock?’

Our very own Hash Wee Willie Winkie, Bringer of Bad News (does he even own a driving license?) drove to the frontier toon of Midway Point in her Hash gear, to set trail with Bad News. An 80km round trip from my place. In winter. In the dark. In the cold. In the rain. Yer aff yer heid.

Bad News announced that the trail was so well marked, it was impossible to get lost. So why did he accompany us on trail? Bad News’ response was that he had every confidence in his trail, but none in Hashers. And why shouldn’t he have confidence in the trail? Set on dribble dropper marks the size of sparrow sh#t, augmented by chalk arrows, half of which were drawn in Scottish, what could possibly go wrong? Wee Willie Winkie, displaying more confidence, or maybe just indifference to the fate of Hashers, stayed in the pub to blether with Robin Hood.

We were barely out the door when ITR detoured to the local Fish ‘n Chips shop to buy some greasy flake, claiming he was starving (despite all evidence to the contrary – who ate all the pies?) Good news – it did keep him quiet for a while.

On the way to Hash, Grizzly had wondered whether we would follow Midway Point Trail A or Midway Point Trail B. Along the trail, on being asked which it was, he replied that it was Trail C, for C###. It’s important to remember, in Hash, that abuse is the highest form of compliment. We did, surprisingly, cover some new territory. The walkers’ trail went north through the middle of the peninsular until it reached some yet-to-be-built-upon new land blocks, where the view would have been pretty good if it hadn’t been as dark as … well … night, then returned south down the west side. The flat earthers were kept happy with a total elevation gain of only 125m, and the distance was around 5.6kms.

Next Week pointed out that I could have written this whole run report by simply listing the loud and crabbit calls of that roaster ITR along trail. However, I’ve ignored Next Week’s canny advice. Sufficient to say that the good folk of Midway Point, trying to sleep (they go to bed early in Midway Point), could well have thought that ITR was that original old rogue Wee Willie Winkie crowing like a cock, shrieking like I don’t know what, waking sleeping folk:

Onything but sleep, you rogue, glow’ring like the moon,
Rattlin’ in an airn jug wi’ an airn spoon,
Rumblin’, tumblin’ roon about, crawin’ like a cock,
Skirlin like a kenna-what, waukenin’ sleepin’ fock.

Back at the Midway Point Tavern, Bee’s Dick provided another braw performance as solo Hash Lip, in the absence (again) of Prawn Star. Bee’s Dick seems to be enjoying his role way too much. Highlight of the On On was the virgin singing of Gov’nor Honkers’ very own song, created by Grammy self-nominee, Grizzly. The good Gov’nor requested his own song, going so far as to suggest it be based on the ‘Dad’s Army’ theme song. What next? We’ll have Hashers wanting to choose their own names, or even their own honorifics! See Gov’nor Honkers’ new song below. More importantly, LEARN IT! So that then you can SING it!

On On, and lang may yer lum reek – Cracker

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SKOLS

• Bad News, W3, Robin Hood: Hares
• Bad News: used bird sh#t to set trail
• Snack Bar: blew up his car, parked across two spaces (again: boring!)
• Cracker: lost property from the Fling: Arsecutter rudely claimed they were baby booster seats
• TicToc: racist
• LA: proxy skoll for Rigor Mortis: going down again
• Her Highness Eager: suffering from dementia: lost her car some blocks away
• TopDek: trying to take out Cracker in a head slam
• ITR: detouring on trail to buy fish at the local Greasy Spoon
• Next Week, Magic Touch, Sir Eve: happy birthday, far queue
• Gov’nor Honkers: demanding his own On On song, delivered by Grizzly at this, the Gov’nor’s 1,501st run
• Bee’s Dick: anniversary of his first H5 run
• Next Week, Robin Hood, Magic Touch, Hands On, TicTok, Just Kidding: c#ntry members
• Hands On: flashed her boobs to strangers on the Three Capes Track
• Magic Touch: begging for her photo to be taken (Pick me! Pick me!)
• Bee’s Dick: upset Magic Touch by spurning her as an On On assistant

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2286

GOV’NOR HONKERS’ DOWN DOWN SONG

To the tune of ‘Dad’s Army’ theme song

Why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers, is it something you have done?
When you blast our ears with a call of HASH HUSH!
We’ll clean your arse with a barbed wire toilet brush!
So why do you think you are skolling Gov’na Honkers? Drink it down, your time has come!

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Ratu Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/