Volume 43, Issue 4 | May 13, 2024

From Incoming about Run 2282:

• NDIS inclusive trails
• Premium piss stop
• Catered food
• Dress code: Hats compulsory

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2283	27 May	Eager	Paddy Wagon
2284	3 June	Growler	Claremont Bowls Club
2285	10 June	Hare required
2286	17 June	Hare required

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UP AND CUMMING

7 – 9 June 2024 | Chardonnay Highland Fling, Gowrie Park
24 June 2024 | Combined Clubs Charity Run in support of gynaecological cancer research
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

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RUN REPORT

Was it to be another Aurora opportunity tonight? Weather looked passable and the view from Lindisfarne should be acceptable particularly as it was to be a Thrill Seeker run, so there would be lots of hills (& even more hills) for sure.

I was just settling in to pay run fees to Rigor Mortis and my elbow was touched by a “little being” thrusting a card into my hand – “b****r”, I’m now writing the run report this week. We are just back from a trip and I’m still getting to grips with local Hash names again.

There was a quick attempt to substitute Eager, another of the “ little people” into writing but the attempt had “little legs” & failed, so the card came back again.

By now, the chaotic food ordering was taking place – looked like another Thrill Seeker induced “f***-up” by the dining establishment, still everyone did as they were told and complied with the ordering/payment process as requested. But would it work ???

The run briefing followed from Thrill Seeker, preceded by an H4 disclaimer as they had set a trail in the same area and were running half an hour ahead of us !! What could go wrong ???

The pack set off up the hill (surprise, surprise!) from the pub and we were soon well spread out after passing the “open boot” of Contessa Coupla Weeks’ X-country vehicle. Magic Touch was sartorially elegant in her pale blue woolly dressing gown – a bit dangerous in an area with a few retirement homes which could easily have claimed her as an escapee.

The trail continued upwards, ever upwards, and by now I was walking with Triple-K & Viagra for company and no one else in sight. Soon we were in the depths of upper Lindisfarne Heights suburbia on the mutual H4/Thrill Seeker trail and happily progressing along the walkers’ trail when Sonar & Bee’s Dick came hurtling in the opposite direction on a runner’s on-back(what a shame!) – not to be seen again until the On-Inn.

The trail then lead off road down into what appeared to be a back garden (thank goodness I had my new powerful head torch) to the plaintive cry, from Viagra, of “Is he serious??” After negotiating the back yard and a subsequent lane we were back on road and very soon back at the pub – it had been a good trail length and despite interference from H4 the trail was very well marked. Good one, Thrill Seeker.

Back to the pub and the aftermath of the food ordering process – it went surprisingly well with only a couple of meals delayed/lost in translation. This is probably due to the lack of communication ability from the Horns (did they order before the run ?) who had been totally conspicuous by the absence of sound from both Horns during the whole run. Guys, you need to blow into the horns to get a sound out of them !!!!! Take note: Big Mac & Quarter Pounder.

On! on! – Bad News

SKOLS

• Thrill Seeker (Wha?) – Hare. (Thrill Seeker was treated to the first rendition of his very own song from Song-Master Grizzly. It probably needs more work, although Grizzly claims the only problem was ITR’s singing.)
• Sonar – an ancient injury.
• Lone Arranger – seasoned Aurora chaser – spent hours in a traffic jam to catch a wee glimpse at Tinderbox, only to return home for a sensational display.
• In The Raw – sparkling new shoes.
• Contessa Coupla Weeks – left her tailgate open when she left on trail, secure in the knowledge that nobody would want to steal her hay or chook food.
• Thrill Seeker (Wha?) – totally unfair skoll from Bee’s Dick, who claimed trail had too many bush tracks for a winter run. Toughen up, Bee’s Dick.
• Lord Limp – no Hash gear (again!)
• Quarter Pounder – NDIS honorary member.
• DNR – lost property.
• Bee’s Dick – aiming to replace the current deserving holder/s of the ‘Most hated Man in Hash’ title by acting like a chauvinistic prick.
• Big Mac and Quarter Pounder – no Hash horns (again!)
• Triple-K – hissy fit, claiming her name wasn’t on the H5 Annual Report cover, despite it appearing numerous times.
• Bad News – offering bum-burning chillies to unsuspecting Hashers.
• Magic Touch – sartorial elegance – wearing a dressing gown on trail

ITR DECREE

To my fellow hashers, this is the ITR, one of your esteemed JMs. Having been press ganged into this position of power and importance I will dutifully carry out the functions of the office to the best of my considerable abilities.

However, there will be changes. As all strong leaders have done through the ages, I will throughout my tenure, issue a decree or two *. To this end, I issue my first decree:

“No Hasher, other than Johnny Fuckacarcuss, will be referred to as the most hated man in Hash”

Having been the originator of this brilliant concept (for JOHNNY FUCKACARCUSS for F###k’s sake), I have found it offensive to be referred to by this term. So NO MORE!!!!!!. Failure to abide by this decree will result in elevating yourself to the top of “Who will be the next JM list”.

That’s it, I have spoken. **

ITR.

* The definition of a decree is ‘an official order that has the force of law’. Given that the first law of Hash is that there are no laws in Hash, any decree by ITR is akin to pushing a wheelbarrow of shite up a Pointless mountain. Ed.

** For the many Hashers whose first response to this decree is no doubt ‘ITR is delusional’, I offer the following: In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a delusion is defined as: A false belief based on incorrect inference about external reality that is firmly sustained despite what almost everybody else believes and despite what constitutes incontrovertible and obvious proof or evidence to the contrary. Ed.

Steady’s down down song

Sung to the tune of My Old Man’s a Dust Man – sing LOUD, sing OFTEN:

Oh, good old Steady Eddie,
He always wears a hat.
He sticks his hand upon his hip
And he dislocates his back.

Oh, when he wears a beret
He looks just like a clown.
He’s always doing something wrong
And he has to drink it down, down, down, down

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2281

STILL NEWISH! H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2024-25

Grand Master	Clearfell
Joint Masters	Bad News In The Raw
On Sec	Cracker
Hash Cash	Rigor Mortis TopDek
Hash Lips	Bee’s Dick Prawn Star
Hash Hops Assistant Hops	Thrill Seeker Steady Eddie
Trailmaster	Lord Limp
Hash Flash	Pole Dancer
Hash Horn	Big Mac Quarter Pounder
Hashet Managers	Viagra Next Week

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/