Volume 42, Issue 43 | February 12, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2270	26 Feb	Next Week	BBQ area opposite Fern Tree Tavern
2271	4 Mar	Hare required
2272	11 Mar	Hare required
2273	18 Mar	Hare required

UP AND CUMMING

24 February 2024 | Red Dress Run, Hobart Brewing Company
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

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[Don’t mention the weather…]
[Don’t mention the weather…]
[Don’t mention the weather…]

Blackmans Bay, 12:50pm Sunday 18 February.

Like every day for the past five days, I sit staring at my email inbox. When I left the circle last Monday I made an impassioned plea for a someone to take their place in the pantheon of H5 Hash Trash run reporters.

It’s a select group.

Each day would pass without a run report and I would feel somewhat deflated, but still confident that someone would come through with enough time. After all, not everyone can just whip up a run report in an hour. I certainly can’t.

The inbox remained empty, except for the regular tsunami of mail outs for exclusive wine offers, luggage that I had already bought and don’t need any more of thank you very much, and handy advice on erectile disfunction. Must have the wrong address for that one.

Damn it – looks like it’s back to me.

I had put my hand up to set trail because it was a public holiday, and as one of the dwindling number of employed H5 Hashers it would be easier than it is to set trail on a working day. What I hadn’t realised at the time was that it was also Super Bowl Monday. Now, I’m not a huge American Football fan – I know the rules and can follow the game – but big sporting occasions like the Super Bowl, FA Cup, North Queensland Badminton Championships and the like are sports viewing ‘musts’. Plus everyone knows what a Tay-Tay fan I am and perhaps the cameras might pan in her direction once in a while. For those who don’t follow the game – or any sports (although you’re probably already skipping this part) – NFL games consist of four 15-minute quarters spread out over two and a half days to get all the advertisements in. Even so, I figured that it would all be over by 1:30pm. Plenty of time to head out and set trail.

As would have to be the case in such circumstances, the scores were level at full-time and there was additional time to be played. Tay-Tay looked excited. Ultimately the game finished at around 3:30pm, but I figured that I was still okay, time-wise. As a rule-of-thumb, it takes twice as long to set trail while walking as it takes to run the trail. Unless the runner is Can’t Stop in his current condition, then it’s more a one-to-one.

Luckily, the atmospheric conditions (not weather) had been less intense than earlier in the day, and I headed off with dribble dropper, spare flour and electronic devices, setting a cheeky loop for the Dick brothers to expend a bit of that puppy energy on.

All was going well, until it wasn’t. I glanced at my watch and it told me two things. Firstly, I had walked over 8km and was still a couple of kilometres from the start point, and secondly, my watch was about to run out of Strava juice.

My planned route was only meant to be 8km in total for the runners, with 5km for the walkers via a yet-to-be-marked shortcut. I could live with the runners doing a solid 10km, but I’d be run out of the Fat Walkers’ Club if they ended up doing 7km! I looked at my back-up Runkeeper recording (as it showed the live map) and planned an impromptu walkers’ split that would link up with a previously-marked FT.

On the map it looked like a quick fix. On the ground it was an additional fifteen minutes and one kilometre of frantic trail setting (which ended up joining nowhere near where I was expecting).

At about 6:25pm my phone rang – it was Lone Arranger. Am I okay and did I need In The Raw to set them off on trail?

Interlude. I had been ‘batching’ the full long weekend and, apart from the odd ‘who’s a good boy’ and ‘you’re a good boy’ (said to Roo Rooter – aka Leo – rather than to my reflection in the mirror), I’d not spoken for the past three days. This, combined with partial dehydration and some degree of exertion, left me with a voice that would have passed for a 1800-hot-granny chat call. End interlude.

Voice-issues aside, I was able to convey that, A – I was not far from the on-on, and B – I wouldn’t trust In The Raw to wipe his own arse, let alone convey important information about the trail.

I neared the on-on, got the low-down from Mr Bean about Google Maps sending him to Mongolia and rounded the corner just as the traditional ‘what time does this 6:30-run start?’

I could barely talk, forgot the important information I had to relay about ITR’s arse, and was desperate for a drink. I looked around to send the gun-runners off on their loop, and saw none. The most athletic person I saw was Prawn Star standing side-on, so made another late change.

Ultimately I just let them go find trail, survival of the fittest-style. I didn’t have to worry about the absent Magic Touch getting lost, and I knew that Steady Eddie would find his own way home as he has one of those bands around his ankles and tends to call ‘coo’ a lot. The rest were all wise enough to not die on trail. I didn’t fancy heading out a second time. I even managed to get some use out the the small Dick loop, sending Miss Bling and Mr Bean off as my proxy runners.

Ultimately the Pack all returned. General consensus was that it was good, which never feels complete without ‘unusual’ and ‘noice’ attached. TicToc came back complaining about ‘seven friggin’ false trails’, but only because there was a slight pause in the conversation and it needed filling. I didn’t have an opportunity to explain that there were ten false trails.

On! On!
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• Grizzly – Hare.
• Gangrene, Jim Beam, Morticia, Prickit, Scary, Stunned Mullet, Tight Spot – can’t remembers.
• Bus Stopper, Monsoon Drain [Edinburgh] and Number 22 – visitors. Okay, you’ve had your fun – time to move on or you’ll have to set trail.
• Andrew and Ros – virgins. (Ros was later named Goon Bag, because Bush Pig was already taken.)
• Lone Arranger – told Lips to f*ck off because they were using her table to line up the skols. (Obviously a companion piece to Eve’s patent-pending ‘f*ck off tongs’.)

• Stunned Mullet – hippo birdy two ewes.
• Gingernuts – 25 Run millstone.
• Stunned Mullet – 50 Run millstone.
• Bad News, W3, DNR, Viagra, TopDek, Scary and Tight Spot – far cough yak hunts.
• Mr Bean and Fringe Benefits – neither knows how to use Google Maps.
• Clearfell – new holder of the FRB jacket.
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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DATE: Saturday, 16th March 2024
START TIME: Run starts at 11:00 am.
It is a bus run. Bus will be parked on Marion Bay Road
(near Townsend Lane) above the main car park
at the Showgrounds.
VENUE: Bream Creek Showgrounds, Copping.
COST: $10.00 (includes sausages and some drinks).
HARES: H4 Hashers
Enquiries to Biddy (Big Legs) – 0417 331 441
You must comply with the Bream Creek Show Society’s Covid-19 Laws

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2268

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple-K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/