Volume 42, Issue 42 | February 5, 2024

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2269	19 Feb	Eager	Five Mile Beach
2270	26 Feb	Hare required
2271	4 Mar	Hare required
2272	11 Mar	Hare required

UP AND CUMMING

24 February 2024 | Red Dress Run, Hobart Brewing Company
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

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I’m starting to see a pattern here. A warm, sunny day and thoughts of a post-trail swim disintegrate under the onslaught of cooling winds and scudding clouds.

A weather pattern.

(There’s an associated pattern – the run report starting off with a weather report, but it can’t all be ‘it was the beast of days, it was the wurst of days’-level brilliance.)

It took an hour to hit the arms-end of the world from our lofty tower, which we’d not planned on doing except I’d forgotten to pack the bing machine when I left for work and couldn’t bear the thought of listening to the cash flat-earthers extol the virtue of sheets of polymer that have been sitting microns away from someone’s sweaty arse or ball sack.

Clearly neither the weather nor the distance deterred the H5 faithful, and a good-sized Pack were waiting when we finally arrived.

Except it did deter many of the H5 faithful, but this was offset by W3 and Bad News‘ rent-a-crowd. Even the real Scots (meaning those without Bad News‘ broad Australian accent) were joining in on a game of rotating wind-breaks, even though it was technically well above Aberdeen’s seventeen.

At 6:45pm (6:30pm South Arm Time) Hare In The Raw circled the masses to talk at them about the trail. There was some complicated technical chat about Corflute and pink tape (justice for the colour-blind!) most of which seemed to be directed at Magic Touch. In The Raw then boasted about putting on the “greatest p!ss stop of all time”, which is something that he’s very good at doing.

Boasting, that is. More about this p!ss stop when it’s chronologically and narratively appropriate.

The runners and walkers headed off in opposite directions. I’m unsure if the runners were meant to head off in that direction, but you know runners.

Trail would largely follow the outline of the peninsular, with a few false trails thrown in to test the trail-following integrity of the front runners and walkers. The land is being prepared for a links-style golf course, irrigated by treated effluent from the Blackmans Bay treatment plant. If I was at all concerned by the thought treading on one of my more aggressive ‘cast-offs’, it was soon overshadowed by Triple K’s canine explosive decompression. (Just to be clear, it was Triple K’s dog, Harry, not Triple K herself.)

A second split sent the runners out to the northern point of mutatayna (the indigenous name for that area) for a quick ‘wristy’ at Arm End, while the walkers cut across to the western side.

Great care was obviously taken by the Hare to keep Magic Touch on trail, with orange bollards and bunting reducing the options for MT to get lost. That was, of course, the last we would see of her for her ability to ‘free-style’ trail knows no bounds.

As we neared the communications tower at the western point of the Reserve we could spot a cold and lonely figure sitting not quite at the top of the highest point of the peninsular. This was the Hare with the “greatest p!ss stop of all time”.

Did the p!ss stop feature oysters, as a Vegie p!ss stop did in 2011? No, it did not. Did it feature culinary experimentations like ‘champagne gelato’, ‘stout and ice cream spiders’ or anything containing maple syrup like Contessa Coupla Weeks is known to do? No it did not. Did it even have anything as inventive as Rigor Mortis‘ pop-up cocktail bar from last week? You know the answer.

No, the “greatest p!ss stop pf all time” was a sad man with a blue Esky that contained the very same beverages we could have been drinking in relative comfort back at the on-on. “The views!” he would periodically shout, but the words were swept away by the unyielding southerly blast and could only be heard by a pensioner mowing his lawn at Howrah.

Yes, there were views, but we would have seen them regardless had we followed trail. (Which obviously excludes Magic Touch.) Still, we humoured him and drank what was on offer before it could be blown out of the glass.

It was a make your own adventure-type ‘on-home’ as the Hare was now sulking and couldn’t be arsed providing a return trail. I’m unsure as to how many holes are planned for the new golf course, but the rabbits have given them a significant head start and making your way through the ‘rough’ required ankles of rubber.

The on-on was alongside the boat ramp and was sheltered from the worst of the gale experienced at “the greatest p!ss stop of all time”. It was even deemed warm enough for Lord Limp and Rigor Mortis to go for a swim, (although in Rigor Mortis‘ case it was probably to wash her legs after a very windy and literal p!ss stop).

As a postscript to the farce that was “the greatest p!ss stop of all time”, Coupla Weeks offered home-made ice cream, which was just as well because the Dick brothers took up the entirety of the barbecue while cooking up this week’s dinners to save on power.

No mention at all was made about the Firemaster 5000 being MIA. None at all.

Look, we all love to bag In The Raw. He is the most hated man in Hash for a reason, but the trail and the location for this run were more than just your bog-standard trail through suburbia and I enjoyed it. You can say many things about him, but he is trying.

Very trying.

On! On!
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• In The Raw – Hare.
• Bee’s Dick, Big Mac and Quarter Pounder – holding something hard, shiny and 4cm long. The keys to the new House of Dick.
• Magic Touch – area surrounded by water on three sides, yet still managed to go off trail.
• Triple K – trying to collect liquid dog shit in a doggie bag.
• Rigor Mortis and Lone Arranger – the perils of p!ssing into the wind.

• Bus Stopper, Monsoon Drain [Edinburgh], Number 22 and Box [Capital Hash, ACT] – visitors.
• Gary and Anne – visting Hash virgins.
• Just Kidding – Alice fell down the rabbit hole. (Who the f*ck is Alice?)
• In The Raw – tried to blame Next Week for not having the Firemaster 5000 at teh on-on.
• Grizzly – turned up an hour early to collect Cracker and was about to chastise her for being late, then realised his error and went home to wait and sulk.
• TopDek – new holder of the FRB jacket.
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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DATE: Saturday, 16th March 2024
START TIME: Run starts at 11:00 am.
It is a bus run. Bus will be parked on Marion Bay Road
(near Townsend Lane) above the main car park
at the Showgrounds.
VENUE: Bream Creek Showgrounds, Copping.
COST: $10.00 (includes sausages and some drinks).
HARES: H4 Hashers
Enquiries to Biddy (Big Legs) – 0417 331 441
You must comply with the Bream Creek Show Society’s Covid-19 Laws

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2267

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple-K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/