Volume 42, Issue 37 | January 1, 2023

* won’t make any difference – Thrill Seeker’s toucan hat will win

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2264	15 Jan	Vegie	Opossum Bay
2265	22 Jan	Eager	Chauncy Vale
2266	29 Jan	In The Raw	Arms End
2267	5 Feb	Hare required	TBA

UP AND CUMMING

20 January | High Noon for Full Moons, Mole Creek Hotel
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

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RUN REPORT

I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but there was a sense of foreboding as we headed to the start of Monday’s trail. Perhaps it was the significant police presence at the top of the Southern Outlet, attending to a sudden vehicular mating. Perhaps it was multiple fire fighting units on the very opposite side of the Outlet scrambling to extinguish a fire in tinder-dry bushland. Or perhaps it was Hare Thrill Seeker standing at the on-on, amidst significant amounts of near-vertical terrain.

Yes, that would be it.

Miss Bling had no doubt, as she and Mr Bean crested Oberon Court.

‘F*ck that for a joke’ she thought, but wouldn’t say because she’s far too polite. ‘Robert, turn this f*cking car around and let’s get the f*ck out of here’ she said, because Thrill Seeker has that effect on some people. (Who’d have imagined that a car the size of a small suburb could effect such a swift 180.)

The on-on was visible from almost everywhere, leading one ‘concerned citizen’ to report a suspicious person in a high-vis vest. They got the suspicious part correct, but Thrill Seeker managed to cover up his favourite orange Hash tee by the time the police arrived to investigate.

Those who survived Hogmanay in any sort of ambulant state – but were still drunk enough to think that this would be a good idea – started arriving and looking at the view. ‘I can see my house from here’ was the general consensus. Anything to avoid thinking about what was to come.

To add to the sense of danger, the lack-of-brains trust set up the barbecue and Firemaster 5000 at the base of a rock escarpment, and had to kick away boulders that had fallen from said escarpment to do so.

Thrill Seeker’s normal claim of ‘ruin other ear’ would be correct, but even he decided that ‘gentle undulations’ would be a step too far. Bee’s Dick looked to be the only runner, with the usual crew siding with Miss Bling and the likes of Sonar and Snack Bar suddenly declaring mystery injuries.

In the coin toss of ‘up or down’, up won and up we went. Quite a bit of up. Gov’nor Honkers, made a valiant attempt to make it into at least one photo on trail, before declaring ‘F*ck that for a joke’, because he is nowhere near as polite as Miss Bling.

There was more up, until there wasn’t, as we caught our breath rectangling the Uni soccer grounds.

‘I haven’t finished yet’, was the Hare’s sentiment, avoiding a demarcation stoush with Steadie Eddie by heading across the overpass onto Tolmans Hill.

As the name might suggest, Tolmans Hill isn’t flat. Here the surrounding houses clung to the terrain like dags around a sheep’s arse. It’s fair to say that this wasn’t familiar Hash territory. I mean, why would you? The runners – sorry, runner – at least got to look at somewhat optimistic fire trails above the houses.

As my sex education teacher would have said*, up is followed by down. Quite a bit of down. There’s no doubt that this was virgin territory for most, as a pathway and bluestone steps took us from Tolmans down to the no-less steep Dynnyrne. From this point you could see the on-on, and spot those Hashers who had already broken their New Year’s resolution to exercise more.

* Who am I trying to kid – my sex education teacher was a fairly battered and crusty copy of Playboy

We passed the houses marked for demolition just so that those southern whingers could get to the bottom of the Outlet quicker, then wait for the bottleneck that is Macquarie Street to clear. One other possible casualty would be the walkway tunnel under the Outlet, the only Hash trail crossing point between Lynton Avenue and Mt Nelson.

It was at this point that Magic Touch had her finger on the Uber speed-dial. We had descended further than we had climbed and had been out an hour. Ordinarily she’d already be travelling comfortably in the back seat of a Camry, comforted by the presence of various Hindu deities, but Sedan Chair was ‘keeping her company’ and she thought it rude to abandon him.

Never fear, Lone Arranger – who had been busy tying her shoelaces and missed the start of trail oh dear how sad never mind – had repositioned the Vulva at the trail’s nadir, and was having a two-for-one special on rideshares. It should be made clear that I had NO intention of auto-Hashing trail, but knew that without me riding shotgun they may well have ended up at Dover.

We passed Contessa Coupla Weeks struggling up the hill, but Magic Touch said that there was no way she’d fit between her and Sedan Chair, and flashed a brown-eye as we passed.

(That’s not to say that Magic dropped her strides in an inappropriate manner – she has brown eyes.)

I didn’t enjoy the terrain but I did enjoy being led somewhere different, and Thrill Seeker is the poster boy for ‘different’. Yes, this WAS the best r*n of 2024 so far, but it was also the worst r*n 2024 so far. One of those statements is likely to remain valid for a deal longer than the other.

On! On!
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• Thrill Seeker – Hares.
• Thrill Seeker and Her Highness Eager – on the run from the law, and his accomplice.
• Steady Eddie (and Mrs Steadie) – came up to do some date night ‘parking’ but forgot that Hash would be up there.
• Gov’nor Honkers – piss-weak skol for being a Spurs supporter.
• Magic Touch – new shoes.
• Bee’s Dick – solo runner.
• Grizzly, Magic Touch and Sedan Chair – auto Hashing.
• Flat Cat and Sedan Chair – far cough yak hunts.
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2262

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple-K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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