Volume 42, Issue 36 | December 25, 2023

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2263	8 Jan	Steady Eddie	Mt Nelson Oval
2264	15 Jan	Vegie	Opossum Bay
2265	22 Jan	Hare required	TBA
2266	29 Jan	Hare required	TBA

UP AND CUMMING

20 January | High Noon for Full Moons, Mole Creek Hotel
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

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RUN REPORT

It’s traditional for kiddies to be awake on Christmas morning the moment the sun’s rays push through that gap in the curtains that you can never completely close because you couldn’t be arsed buying an extra drop of material to do the job properly.

LaLa was unconvinced. Probably because she’s 35* and doesn’t believe in Santa. LaLa also didn’t believe that she really offered to assist me in setting trail at 6:00am on Christmas Day, but there you are – presents magically appearing under the tree and us setting off at sparrow’s fart with plasterboard and flour. A Christmas miracle.

* or 31, there’s some debate about that

Thankfully the conditions were near perfect for an early morning stroll, stopping every 50 metres or so to genuflect toward the great Hashing gods and throw down a chalk H5 arrow while I’m down there.

The planned trail was sympathetic to those with a medical condition, as long as that medical condition was inclinational intolerance – an adverse reaction to going up hills. If your medical condition was piles, well, you were on your own there. Eat more fibre.

White plasterboard markings on new concrete weren’t going to meet the colour contrast accessibilty guidelines, but Hashers always follow the path of least resistance. Around the wetlands – teasing a trip up to Firthside – before heading through Channel Court for some last minute shopping. Must have been too early – nothing was open.

Called by Maccas for an E&B, but it was drive-through only. I mimed that I was driving a car, but no such luck. I thought that I was quite convincing – I had the fluffy dice hanging and everything.

The trails split at the Whitewater Creek track, with the runners heading further up Summerleas Road. A few checks and false trails were thrown in because, you know, it’s Hash. Dog Shit would later try to get into my head – what would Grizzly do? – but its far too crowded in there and he got it wrong each time.

As we strolled through the streets of eastern Kingston I could hear the delighted screams of kiddies waking to find presents under the tree. Plasterboard and a new dribble-dropper, no doubt.

‘See, they’re happy to be awake at this ungodsly hour’ I said to LaLa.

I got the look. THE look. The one I use on Cracker where she says ‘that look doesn’t scare me’, but I know that it does.

The runners joined back onto the Whitewater Creek Track, and the Hash trail was now competing with a complicated series of arrows used by Parkrunners. Why do they need trail? It’s the same one each week! A bit like winter Hashing in North Hobart.

I didn’t fancy the likes of Nancy Boy jostling for position against the Parkrunners on the ‘run’ home, so took the Hashers over the creek and along the road less travelled. I had reconnoitered the bush track months ago and don’t recall having Hashed there previously so claimed it as virgin territory, which I thought was Christmas-appropriate.

And equally fanciful.

Back across the creek adjacent to the underpass and back home, we arrived to see Lone Arranger decanting the Volvo via the back door. LA isn’t fond of the back door, but it’s not that bad. I went over and gave the tailgate a tickle, and it opened. I think LA swore at me, which wasn’t very merry.

Slowly the Hashers arrived; a good mix from all the Hobart clubs. There was some confusion with Parkrun, whose participants were amassing further up the hub. Safcol fronted the Parkrun desk and asked ‘is this where the run starts?’ The answer was ‘yes’, and before he knew it he was barcoded and doing warm ups. It was only after he asked ‘where’s the beer’ did he get moved on.

After setting the Pack off with far too many instructions for them to remember – two – I set about cooking eggs and bacon. I remembered to pack away my fluffy dice as I didn’t want them singed.

Suddenly we were beseiged by a swarm of athletes, as the Parkrunners stormed past and hit what must have been a false trail, before doubling back. Not a very intelligent lot because they all did the FT, and not a one checked down toward the wetlands.

At around the 45-minute mark the first of the Hashers returned, as did the faster Parkrunners. Nancy Boy was out recruiting for Hash, but didn’t seem to attract many converts. Maybe his ‘we’ve got beer’ slogan needs workshopping. We almost lost Sugar Babe having overshot the on-on, but was thankfully turned around by their false trail. (Which all the Parkrunners fell for yet again – what a bunch of thickos!)

We grazed on E&B, plus croisants and cheesecake courtesy of Arsecutter and Grassroots, but seemed to be missing Snack Bar’s hotly-anticipated marinated mushrooms.

As well as Snack Bar himself.

The other H5 Lip – TicToc – decided follow Snack Bar’s lead and went missing when it came time for the Circle, abbrogating responsibility to the Chardonnay Lips, Hooray and Grassroots. Generally-speaking, this would be like finding a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking, but another Christmas miracle occurred as Hooray set aside his infamous ‘joke’ book and they conducted a succinct and entertaining Circle.

We finished off with a medley of Hash club songs (strangely missing the Lovers of Uranus song), then went our separate ways to cook enough food for a hundred people, eat too much because you cooked enough food for a hundred people and would hate it to go to waste, then succumb to the inevitable afternoon ‘nanna nap’.

Ah, Christmas.

Ho Ho
Grizzly

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SKOLS

• TicToc – claimed that it was a Chardonnay r*n as an excuse for ditching her Hash-mandated Lip duties.
• Grizzly and LaLa – Hares.
• Can’t Stop – lazy bastard wouldn’t do the trail.
• Contessa Coupla Weeks – 1100 Runs.
• Bee’s Dick, Big Mac and Ladder – Christmas Day Hash virgins.
• Arsecutter and Grizzly – who called the cook a bastard?
• Billie (proxy Wee Bev) – dragging Herr Flick into the creek.
• Grassroots and Hooray – poxy H5 Lips.
• Sedan Chair – pretending to be on his mobile phone to avoid the Circle.
• Platypussy and Nancy Boy – on another call, or something like that.
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

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HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2261

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple-K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/