Hash Trash 2258 | Contessa Coupla Weeks from Maddocks Road, Kingston – Hobart Hash House Harriers and Harriettes

Volume 42, Issue 33 | December 4, 2023

NEXT RUN | 11 December 2023
Run 2259 from Berriedale Bay Reserve
Hare: Just Kidding
Cost $12 – drinks provided, bring your own barbecue food

RECEDING HARELINE

*Run No.*	*Date*	*Hare Apparent*	*On On*
2260	18 Dec	JMs – H5 Christmas Run	Queens Head Hotel
2261	25 Dec	*CHRISTMAS DAY HASH* Lone Arranger & Grizzly	*8:30 AM START* Kingborough Hub, Kingston
2262	1 Jan	Hare required	TBA
2263	8 Jan	Hare required	TBA
2264	15 Jan	Hare required	TBA

HARES NEEDED – SEE FRINGE BENEFITS BEFORE SHE SEES YOU!

KEEPING THE BASTARDS HONEST

Hares in 2023-24. Make sure that your name appears on this list at least once! (Twice if you’re a Co-Hare)

Arsecutter (2)
Bad News (2)
Can’t Stop
Coupla Weeks (2)
Eager (4)
Dishlicker
Eve (2)
Gingernuts
Grassroots
Grizzly (3)

Hands On
Honkers
In the Raw
KKK
Limp
Mr Bean
Miss Bling
Next Week (4)
Pole Dancer
Prawn Star

Prickit
Rigor Mortis
Robin Hood (2)
Sonar
Snack Bar (2)
Ted Bullpit
Thrill Seeker
W3 (2)

UP AND CUMMING

25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
19 January | High noon for Full Moons, Mole Creek Hotel
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

IMPORTANT MESSAGE

With so many Hashers at H5 each week, we are now generating a significant amount of rubbish – too much to expect one person (nominally the Hare, but usually good souls like Viagra or Next Week) to take home.

From this Monday we will have two tubs out – one for rubbish and the other for cans and bottles. Please make sure that you use both PROPERLY, including using Vyvyan’s new can crusher. (This includes keeping the Eskys free of empties and sparkling wine rubbish, and not throwing bottle tops in the Firemaster 5000.)

We do anticipate that everyone will do the right thing without being reminded. But we’ll remind you anyway.

RUN REPORT

Seemingly in conflict with the Hare’s starting instructions, Google was telling me that Maddocks Road was in Kingston, not Margate.

This was confirmed by Pole Dancer, who scouted from the top of the hill and declared that you could land a ball on top of the Kingston KFC with a decent drop punt.

Yet, didn’t it feel like an adventure getting to the on-on!

There was plenty of trail heading out from the creeping death of suburbia, leading Lone Arranger to ponder if this was part of the runners’ trail. But, no, this trail was part of the traffic management system put in place after last week’s abysmal navigation efforts.

The track along the dam wall left deep fingernail marks in the Volvo’s passenger-side dash, but I figured that if Her Highness Eager‘s clown car could make it across, so could we.

Among the early arrivals was Vyvyan, so clearly Viagra learned how to turn off the ute’s faulty navigation system (with non-optional nag setting).

A small piece of plastic whizzed past my ear, which turned out to be Lord Limp’s credit card, tossed from his vice-regal vantage point further up the hill. With no instructions following I was pleased to offer a ‘free run’ to all – at his Lordship’s expense – as well as ordering a significant quantity of sex toys online.

Well, I for one find Lego to be very sexy.

Next came a practical lesson in chaos theory, as one-by-one cars entered the unmarked parking area and took up the position most likely to block everyone else from leaving. Rigor Mortis didn’t even bother to take the road, driving her Subaru out of the bush from the general direction of Margate. (The real Margate, not CW’s fake Margate.) Yes Please was the last to arrive (no surprise there), forming the last piece of the gridlock puzzle.

Contessa Coupla Weeks ignored the frequent time calls, allowing time for Grizzly to extract payment from the last of the Dick Bros., who seemingly compete to see which of them will be ‘last to pay up’ with just as much fervour as ‘first to finish trail’.

Instructions were given – trail marked on pink tape or flour; ran out of both – used ‘chalk’; ran out of that too – look for bark in the shape of an arrow. Should be pretty straight forward.

The next instruction – head up through the walnut grove – did cause a bit of head scratching as the ‘walnut trees’ looked very much like olive trees. That’s genetic modification for you.

Once we had cleared the olive-coloured walnut trees we were in bush, and I was hit with a wave of nostalgia. My early Hashing years were primarily on trails like this and I realised how much it represented to me what a ‘proper’ Hash trail was. Then a long stick got caught between my feet, turning my purposeful stride into an awkward John Cleese-like funny walk and almost sending me face-first into a tree.

Ah, nostalgia – it’s not what it used to be.

Soon after a second runners/walkers split we spotted a thicket of runners ahead, seemingly standing around discussing how best to spot a bark arrow on ground that is covered in fallen bark.

Not wishing to be part of the thick ones, Triple K followed the non-bark trail, the flour trail and the chalk trail until it too ran out. So, the runners were correct? We were in bark arrow territory?

Just when I had spotted what could be three pieces of bark in a vague arrow shape, Sir Eve found a deviation – because he’s that kind of guy – and subtly suggested that we were sight-challenged (by yelling ‘ARE YOU ALL FKN BLIND’) for missing the chalked bark arrows tucked away behind a bush.

A modest creek crossing was handled with varying degrees of confidence, from the Gov’nor‘s geriatric gymnastics to Quarter Pounder‘s ballet-like boulder hop. Alas, there was not enough water or danger to provide any significant photo opportunities.

Out of the gully we found an early explorer’s message tree, with a trifecta of pink tape, chalk and bark indicating the way forward.

On reflection, the bark was more indicative of an actual tree than an arrow, but it still counts.

After a lap of the dam – and another split – we were back at the on-on. Most of us, anyway. Mr Bean and Miss Bling decided that is was a lovely night for a romantic stroll and only just made it back before twilight. I’m not sure that they were holding hands the whole way. I suspect that by the second hour the romance was somewhat diminished.

What a wonderful Hash trail, great territory, and aided by favourable weather. Hare Contessa could do no wrong.

Right up until it came time to wrap your sausage in bread…

On On
Grizzly

SKOLS

Contessa Coupla Weeks – Hare.
Clearfell, Her Highness Eager, Organ Grinder, Prawn Star, and Rigor Mortis – unwitting blood donors.
Miss Bling and Mr Bean – Hash marathon.
Bee’s Dick, Big Mac, Lord Limp, Organ Grinder and Quarter Pounder – lost boys.
Steptoe – Hash Flash taking ‘crotch shots’ of the boys.
Cast of thousands – Bruny Relay competitors and volunteers.
Steady Eddie – Bruny Island photo bomber.
Just Kidding – 800 Runs.

Can’t Stop – radio ga-ga. Interviewed on ABC radio about the Bruny Island Ultra/Relay, but the interviewer couldn’t get a word in.
Viagra – managed to get to the on-on without DNR’s ‘help’.
Snack Bar – ecological vandal, burning plastic in the Firemaster 5000 and turning Morning Glory’s fillet steak into a black toxic mess.
Sonar – urinal pest, p!ssing on Mr & Mrs Weeks’ new cars.
Brazilian, Clearfell, Sir Eve, Morning Glory and Morticia – country members.
…and other skols I forgot to write down.

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2258

H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple-K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017 0488 707 068
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/