Volume 42, Issue 13 | July 17, 2023

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2238	31 Jul	Honkers	Globe Hotel, South Hobart
2239	7 Aug	Eve	TBA
2240	14 Aug	Grassroots	Black Buffalo Hotel, New Town
2241	21 Aug	Hare needed!	TBA

UP AND CUMMING

2 September | Posh Hash Posh Ball @ Bellerive Yacht Club
7-8 Oktober | H5 Oktoberfest @ venue TBA
25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

RUN REPORT

After last week’s… damp-ish… trail, it was nice not to have to think about bringing a set of après-Hash dinner attire. Even namby-pamby In The Raw left his heavy duty rain condom in the car.

Being a Monday, Hash was afforded the luxury of the main area of Brewlab, complete with log fire and a good selection of beers at ‘happy hour’ prices.

The Hare led us outside for the ‘chalk talk’, sparing the smattering of ‘normal people’ the experience of Gov’nor Honkers‘ ear-shattering call of ‘HASH HUSH!’.

Hare Arsecutter sent us down Gepp Parade toward the Brooker, with instructions that there was the one runner’s loop. Runners jostled for pavement position against a chicane of walkers, but were well clear by the time we hit the Brooker. That’s when things went awry.

The lead walker – we blame ITR – saw the last of the runners turn right, and followed suite. Like the lemmings we are, the trailing walkers also followed, oblivious to the split marked on the footpath proper.

Hashing alongside a major road makes calling somewhat difficult; the fap-fap-fap of chunky 4WD tyres and whine of over-revving Hyundais would drown out even a Steady Eddie discourse on the eucalypts of south-west Tasmania. Hence, when Pole Dancer called out while running in the opposite direction, but on the opposite side of the highway, we couldn’t work out if he was telling us that we were ‘on the runners’ trail’, or that he had ‘an incredibly large pen!s and wasn’t afraid to use it.’

I knew that it wasn’t the latter.

It was at this point that Grassroots broke off from her in-depth discussion with Gingernuts (neither could hear what the other was saying, but felt the need to say it anyway) to confirm that crossing at the overpass wasn’t something we should be doing.

By this time most of the walkers had already crossed over to the dark side, leaving the remaining few to spread like a post-party spew to try to locate true trail. All to no avail.

After ten minutes of searching I headed back to the on-on with Growler, trying to work out where things got cocked up, and could it be blamed on In The Raw.

Walking back into Brewlab, Arsecutter optimistically suggested that we had been speedy in completing the trail. Notes were compared and ITR blamed, so we set back out to do justice to the Hare’s efforts.

ITR used his vast military intelligence (no greater oxymoron) to organise a search party. Fat Controller and Triple K reported ‘no sign of trail’ up the hill, leaving Honkers and TopDek to guard the check, while ITR searched the inside of the Brooker Inn. Eventually, trail WAS found up the hill and the appropriate appointments were made for SpecSavers.

When true trail headed back down to the Brooker (100m from the check, and in the direction that ITR had ‘checked’) I used knowledge gleaned from the Hare to Hash uphill, via one of Lutana’s network of laneways. I didn’t get far as I ran into Sonar and Magic Touch heading in the opposite direction, having lost trail.

I gathered up the strays and followed my nose to the smellier end of Lutana. When Fallen Madonna questioned how I knew that we were heading the right way, I provided her a comprehensive evaluation of wind direction, alignment of stars and general vibe, before pointing down at one of the floured arrows.

Despite the trail mix-up, everyone managed to return before the burgers were dished out, having each completed their Gispert-mandated duration of Hashing activity. With a beer now in hand, what more could you ask for on a Monday night?

On on – Grizzly

SKOLS

• Arsecutter – Hare (aka ‘Bruce’).
• Steady Eddie – Vice-Regal appointment; H5 ambassador to Government House.
• Dishlicker – Hindu conversion, now spotting a ‘bindi’ mark on his forehead.
• Fallen Madonna – ‘lost’ the proper Hash Horn and can barely get a note out of the back up bugle.
• Sir Eve – something about p!ssing on a draught horse. (I suspect that it was about the size of his lemons and Eve’s urinary ministrations.)

• Jerk Off, Just Kidding, Mistress Dini, Prawn Star and Stunned Mullet – can’t remembers.
• Thrill Seeker – re-ran last Monday’s trail in an attempt to prove that Hashers just can’t follow properly laid trail.
• Fat Controller and Triple K – should have gone to SpecSavers.
• Grizzly – new role as TicToc’s ‘spiritual advisor’.

• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

To donate to Hands On‘s fundraising effort,
use the QR code above, or click this link.

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2236

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	Triple K
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/