Volume 42, Issue 11 | July 3, 2023

RECEDING HARELINE

Run No.	Date	Hare Apparent	On On
2236	17 Jul	Arsecutter	Black Buffalo Hotel, North Hobart
2237	24 Jul	Rigor Mortis	Mornington Inn
2238	31 Jul	Honkers	Globe Hotel, South Hobart
2239	7 Aug	Eve	TBA

UP AND CUMMING

2 September | Posh Hash Posh Ball @ Bellerive Yacht Club
25 December 2023 | Christmas Day Hash
29 February 2024 | Leap Year H3 Run 8 (as set by the Phantom Hasher!)
8-10 March 2024 | Interhash 2024, Queenstown, New Zealand
28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle

RUN REPORT

The Crescent Hotel is not a big pub, but it comfortably handles 30 Hashers on a Monday night.

Nearly 50 Hashers, however, is a different beast.

Dry July wasn’t getting much of a run in the downstairs bar area (although they did have some very palatable zero-alcohol beers available), so we relocated to our reserved upstairs area. The room was soon filled with vocal pre-Trail bullshit and venerable Hashers using their phone as a magnifying glass while trying to read the small print on the menu. Hashers sought to claim their dinig spot, but moving around was akin to solving one of those wooden block puzzles.

Meanwhile, H5’s Dick clan – Bee’s Dick, Quarter Pounder and the later named Big Mac – were downstairs wondering if they would be the only ones on trail tonight, oblivious to the cacophony that must have been audible from three suburbs away.

The Hare set us off with instructions to cross the road safely. Instead, it was like setting a kennel of cocker spaniels loose, as motorists braked suddenly to avoid hitting dozens of Hashers.

The trail looped and stuttered through West and North Hobarts; the numerous checks and FTs should have kept the packs together, but the gap between the walkers and the talkers kept increasing until they were out of sight. (It was either that, or the lure of a warm bar and cold beverage).

Inevitably, our attention turned to the age old game of ‘guess where the p!ss stop is’. Soundy Park was a bit too short. St Andrews Park looked possible, but no. Shirley it’s the skate park; it wasn’t, and don’t call me Shirley.

Within metres of the back door to the pub, In The Raw was stumped up metering the world’s second-best glühwein to the runners and the talkers. Trying to do the volumetric maths in his head – and failing miserably – the Hare tried to offload the last slurp, even though there were still others out on trail.

The tasty meals were efficiently dealt out by Hotel staff, although Gov’nor Honkers did end up with mashed potato for desert. It must be a pommie thing.

The Lips toiled dutifully in a noisy and cramped room. There were two namings – Sir Eve launched into a filibuster about his ‘research’ into sex aids, before bestowing Lena with the Hash handle of Magic Touch; while Grizzly, reading the mood of room, swiftly annointed Jarrod with the name Big Mac.

On on – Grizzly

SKOLS

• In The Raw – Hare.
• Beer F*cker, MOP, Offal, Platypussy, Wee Bev and Stunned Mullet – can’t remembers.
• Lena – now known as Magic Touch (for reasons only known to Sir Eve’s browser history).
• Jarrod – brother of Bee’s Dick and twin brother of Quarter Pounder now known as Big Mac.
• Platypussy – called Can’t Stop ‘Snack Bar’.
  (Surely ‘Hey, Arsehole’ is easier to remember.)

• Just Vanessa – Hash virgin.
• Tarzan’s Grope – f*ck off song.
• Miss Bling and Mr Bean – also f*cking off; second verse, same as the first.
• Steady Eddie and Lone Arranger – contrasting coiffures (and hairdressing cost).
• …and other skols I forgot to write down.

To donate to Hands On‘s fundraising effort,
use the QR code above, or click this link.

HASH FLASH

Link to all photos for Run 2234

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H5 MISMANAGEMENT 2023-24

Grand Master	KKK
Joint Masters	Growler Sonar	0412 161 017
On Sec (poxy)	Grizzly	0419 960 561
Hash Cash	Dishlicker Mother of Pearl	0408 994 427
Hash Lips	Snack Bar TicToc
Hash Hops	Contessa Coupla Weeks Sir Eve
Trailmaster	Fringe Benefits
Hash Flash	Steptoe
Hash Horn	Fallen Madonna
Hashet Manager	Viagra	0419 504 105

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Contact us at hobart.h5@gmail.com

Website https://hobarthash.tripod.com/h5/